The first organisation I emailed was called 3i. I choose 3i as they were top of the FTSE 100. Well top alphabetically, which is slightly odd as you cannot real alphabetize (sp?) numbers?!

3i are a large investor group that look to takeover and grow upcoming businesses.

Anyhow, that is who I emailed first to offer my marketing idea. You can see my email below:

"Dear R3i

Let me first take the opportunity to congratulate you and your business to be in the highly acclaimed FTSE 100. That is one mean achievement and should not be understated in todays economic climate. Anyhow lets crack on to business...

My name is Adrian Wallett, a business and economics teachers in Croydon and the proud owner of a marketing degree. I have dropped you an email for one reason; to help.

I want to pass on my marketing and creative wisdom to firms I believe deserve it, and you my friend at 3i are in that lucky bracket.

Below is a marketing strategy I would like to pass onto you which I hope you will at least consider:

As an investment organisation I feel you could adopt a new business slogan;

"3i are so good its like we have an extra i in the back of our heads! We look back with one and look forward with two!"

You can follow up this slogan with the following advertising campaign:

Your TV advertising campaign could first show Sid the cyclops starting a small bakery business. He is clearly discriminated against, as potential customers walk past his shop, take one look at the monsters hideous eye and quickly scurry away. This is where the 3i van turns up and three businessmen jump out and are seen shaking hands with Sid the cyclops. '3 months later' is plastered across the screen and we are taken around the town with a whole franchise of cyclop bakeries opening up and showcasing a prosperous business taking off.

Then the clearly happy Sid the cyclops is showed on screen saying the following line:

"I used to have one eye, now I have three! 3i helped turn around my business which LOOKS great for the future!"

The camera then zooms into Sid's grinning face where he finishes off the advert with the following catchphrase:

3i's are better than one! (Sid then winks to the screen and fin!)

I feel this advertising campaign could also be used alongside a poster / leaflet campaign with Sid your main mascot - he would be memorable and obviously be a play on your 3i name.

I hope this advertising idea will be used by your great company and I am sure will help take your business to the next level.

I do not ask for any fee regarding my advertising idea, you are free to use my idea without any fear of me sending over my lawyers demanding remuneration for my marketing campaign. However I would really appreciate a 3i t-shirt or any other merchandise as a small token of your appreciation. If your business is feeling generous please feel free to post any merchandise to the following address:

Adrian Wallett
************
Purley
Croydon
Surrey
*******

If this email ends up in the wrongs hands, please accept my apologies and please forward it onto the relevant personnel or department (I assume the marketing department).

Good luck with everything and I hope you one day reach the top of the FTSE 100.

Kindest Regards

Adrian Wallett"

I emailed all the people I could find remotely attached to 3i and annoyingly received very little replies. I was grumpy and after a few weeks of eagerly waiting, I decided to sent out the following email:

"Dear 3i  

I spent many hours finalising my marketing campaign for your business and very kindly emailed it to many people at 3i for their consideration and feedback.  

I am not sure if you have heard of the old saying 'the customer is always right' (ok fair enough I am not an actual customer, but I am a stakeholder, as I do have an interest in your business) but I feel let down and hurt.   

It seems clear to me that you do not follow that old saying and instead probably believe in the following; 'the stakeholder is always wrong!, IGNORE at all times'.  

Actually I made a mistake earlier, I was a stakeholder as I DID have an interest, I am now an ex-stakeholder as I have quickly lost all interest and respect for your business.  

I didn't expect a lot from 3i, a quick email maybe, but nope, zilch.   How can 3i redeem themselves? Simple: I expect an apology and hopefully some feedback on my proposed marketing idea.

Grumpy Regards 

Adrian Wallett
(currently an ex-stakeholder)"

My first email was a failure and I was not happy. Did I give up and never email a business ever again? No way - Bring on the next 99 FTSE members and watch this space for exciting developments!

Thanks for reading!

I have set myself a mission. A mission to tease, entice and hopefully fluster a few FTSE feathers. How many feathers am I looking to fluster you may ask? 100 is my aim. Ok enough of the feather talk, let's get down to business.

I aim to share my marketing wisdom and advertising ideas to some of the largest businesses in the World and see how they respond. I will be playing footsie with the FTSE!

Let the games begin...

Hi Dost’s

Welcome to my 15th and quite possibly last blog for a while (no tears please). I am starting a new job next week and I am certain my spare time will be evaporated away faster than a cup of boiled water on the surface of the sun, which has just been hit with a flamer thrower.

I have really enjoyed writing these blogs, where I have spoken to many great celebrities including Debbie McGee, Gillian Cross, Tony Hart (sort of) and Christine Hamilton to name but a few. I have also undertaken a few random missions including trying to get a free t-shirt from various large organisations, by offering my marketing ideas (I had some interesting replies and one of two success stories). One of my proudest missions was to help the villainous mastermind himself in one of his latest evil plots, yes the Demon Headmaster wanted my help to get him back on our TV screens – although I didn’t quite achieve that, I did at least get a few interesting people thinking about it!

This blog is mainly here to wrap up a few blog stories from my previous blogs, where a few extra emails and thoughts will be written down to tie up the loose ends.

ITV Are Jerks! (OR ARE THEY!!!) *SPECIAL BONUS FEATURE*

In my last blog (number 14) I emailed ITV after they managed to royaly annoy me, with one of their ludicrous online football poll questions. They asked: Should Arsenal and Porto be thrown out of the Champions League for contriving a dire 0-0 draw?

I was angry at wrote quite a stern email to many departments in ITV (please see blog 14 to see my exact email) and received a few quikck replies, however after afew days I received a very detailed, and quite funny reply from Georgina Monklan, as shown below:

“Mr. Wallett

I am sorry that you took offence from this poll as clearly it was done
in jest. Yes, Porto did hit the post twice and no, I do not believe that
Porto meant to do this - it would have taken WWE style rehearsals for
this to happen after all.

However I think you will agree that the final ten or fifteen minutes
were some of the most dire football seen in the competition (and
probably any competition for that matter) this season - I distinctly
remember the Arsenal centre-backs exchanging 10 or 12 passes before even
thinking about maybe going forward, and Porto did anything but hussle
them while it happened.

Hence we felt that the two sides deserved to have the proverbial
'mickey' taken out of them and thought that readers might feel the same.
The fact that more readers voted 'yes' in the poll than any of the other
options shows that we were somewhat justified and that there were plenty
of readers also willing to have a laugh.

In general, our feeling is that we would prefer to ask some more amusing
questions than the average 'who are you backing to win the Premiership'
sort of drab that gets stale quite quickly. We are trying to add a bit
of character to our editorial and be more amusing than "a dead rat that
has 'I AM NOT CHARISMATIC!' tattooed on his back".

We appreciate your feedback, but hope that you understand and possibly
agree with some of the points of our explanation.

Many thanks

ITVi Customer Service (on behalf of the ITV F1 web team)”

I will be honest with you, I was expecting a very wooden and boring reply to my question, but instead I got a reply that was witty, funny and answered my questions quite well, hats off to ITV and Georgina – I was pleasantly surprised. I emailed Georgina so the following reply:

“Dear Georgina

I appreciate your reply to my initial question. Sorry it has taken so long to reply to you, but things have been pretty hectic recently. Anyway i found your reply witty, funny, clever and too be honest i can even accept you have answered my questions. I wasn't expecting much from you guys at ITV, but I am big enough to accept when i have to take my hat off to someone!

You might be wondering if i own any pet rats, or even pet rats with tattoos on their backs - well i can safely say i don't.

I wish you a great 2007 and wish everyone luck at ITV. How are things going since your new boss stepped in?

Thanks again for your kind and non-templatey reply which i usually get from big companies.

Kindest Regards

Adrian Wallett”

So I guess ITV aren’t that big a jerk after all. I guess everyone deserves a second chance (excluding Saddam Hussein).

Business Tips for the Big Boys (all for little more than a t-shirt) (BTFTBBAFLMTATS for short)

BLOCKBUSTER WILL YOU VOUCH FOR ME?

In my last blog I emailed Blockbuster Video my marketing idea, and after a little cheekiness they agreed to reward me with some free rental vouchers! One day later I received 20 – yes 20 free rental vouchers! I couldn’t believe it. Throughout Xmas I have used most of these vouchers at my localish Selsdon store. The cool workers had never even seen these vouchers before, and regarded me as a mini celebrity after obtaining these golden tickets! I have successfully rented a few cool movies and games with these vouchers and again thank everyone at Blockbuster for my cool gift!

KRONENBOURG MAKE CONTACT – FINALLY!

In my 12th blog I emailed Kronenbourg a marketing idea, but after receiving no quick emails I gave up on them quicker than Mourinho should give up on Shevchenko to ever score another goal! I was indeed quite surprised then when I received a weird parcel about a week ago. I quickly tore open the packaging, feeling like Christmas was happening all over again and I was staring at a brand new Kronenbourg T-Shirt! Yes a grey and navy t-shirt! Mission complete! I also received quite a kind letter as dictated below:

Dear Mr Wallett

I am in receipt of your email to Nadja Schaeufele regarding Kronenbourg 1664.

Thank you for your advertising idea, unfortunately, it does not fit with our brand positioning and at present we would not look to take your proposal any further.

We do however, thank you for your interest in Kronenbourg 1664 and enclose a t-shirt as a token of our appreciation.

Yours sincerely

Justine Dixon
Group Marketing

I am of course disappointed that they chose not to use my advertising idea, but at least I tried. I now own a rather naff, but deeply treasured Kronenbourg t-shirt.

Please see my MySpace pics to see a great picture of me proudly wearing my newest t-shirt, looking rather geeky but immensely proud!

I would like to say thanks to all the companies that have replied to my many odd marketing ideas, some have even rewarded me for my time, or just to get me off their backs with a few polite emails and in some rare cases some quality goodies. Overall Heinz was my favourite company out of all of these marketing experiments, as they offered quality emails, quality goodies and a brilliant bright orange t-shirt!

WEBSITE YOU MUST VISIT

I have recently set up a Flickr account. This is a great website to showcase your photography for free and in a quality way. I currently only have pictures of Thornton Heath, Mickleton and Rome (if you can name a bigger contrast I will be amazed!), but I hope to add more images as time goes by. Feel free to leave a comment to my pics and let me know what you think. You can visit my Flickr pics by clicking here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/adrian_wallett/

If you like digital photography I really recommend setting up a Flickr account, if you do please add me as a contact and as a friend!

Random Rocky Quote

In the vast majority of my blogs I have offered you a random Rocky quote from the five Rocky movies, why did I do this I hear you ask? I feel Rocky is a great story of an underdog who defines many people and somehow makes it, where the odds were so highly stacked against him, that Timmy Mallett would have had better odds on becoming the UK’s next Prime Minister! I feel everyone can adopt Rocky’s spirit and determination to succeed and following your dreams! I hope one day all of you follow in the footsteps of this inspirational character and aim as high as you can and never give up, even in the final round!

Rocky Balboa is the 6th and final instalment of this great series (I plan to see it as part of my birthday celebrations) , I am 100% sure it will be a great film and I urge you all to watch it and shout out one last time – YO ADRIAN, I DID IT!

Below is a quote from the upcoming movie, I wont dissect it, and look too deeply into it, I feel the sheer poetry of the quote is all that needs to be said:

Rocky Balboa: It will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit, it is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much can you take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!

WALLETT’S HOTEL KEEP TIGHT LIPPED

I am sad to report that Wallett’s court (blog 14) have so far not replied to my email, where I apologised about my very rude email. To make amends I even posted them my apology and included a few images of my artwork, but alas they still haven’t replied. My final throw of the dice was to send one last email as shown below:

Dear Gavin Oakley

Sorry to keep bombarding you with emails and letters, and I guess keeping me on my toes is a good lesson for me to be more patient with life and not act so rash. I posted a letter to you and Wallett's Court just before Christmas, did you receive it? I enclosed some images of my artwork and some of my photography. I would be very grateful to know what you think of my artwork.

I have now been offered a new job, with better pay, more prospects and more responsibility, so fingers crossed things are look up for me in the new year.

I hope you and your hotel had a great Xmas and new year period and I wish you all the luck for 2007.

Any reply would be grateful, even to say you haven't accepted my apology at my previous rude email.

If this email reaches the wrong person, please, please, please forward it on to Gavin Oakley.

Keep cool and kindest regards

Adrian Wallett

But still no reply – I feel either Gavin Oakley really hates me and is teaching me a lesson on being patient (quite a good chance), he is too busy to reply throughout this busy period or just ignoring me until I go away. I hope he replies, but it seems less and less likely after every passing day. I still like the fact that Wallett’s Court shares my surname, but will it ever share my heart? – only time will tell!

Well this is the end of a chapter as far my blogs go – at least for the short term. I will look to getting them up and running again one day I am sure, and in between that time I am sure I will embrace myself on more random email missions and celebrity emails, all ready to be unleashed again to the public! Thanks so much to everyone who has read my blogs, left comments and subscribed. Please keep subscribed as you never know when I might be back, blogging again!

If you have any questions regarding any of my 15 blogs, please fell free to leave a question in my comment section and I will try to answer. Any other comments (either good or bad) are all very much welcome!

And please remember one last thing:

YOU ROCK DOST

Adriano

Hi Dost’s

Welcome to my 14th blog. In my last blog (unlucky number 13) I promised you a lucky day if you read that particular blog, I hope you did, I truly do, but I feel all my good luck I gave to you was sucked away from me like a sandcastle sitting on top of a windy mount Fiji! Basically I have had a dreadful week, with nothing but bad news, followed by more bad news and an ample sprinkle of even more bad news and a cherry on top that was grown on a cherry tree (or bush?!) that was planted on the grave of the unluckiest man who ever lived.

It all started so well, I had a great weekend up my parent’s house, to celebrate my mum’s birthday. Happy Birthday if you are reading this mum! I had a really cool and chilled weekend, drank a bit of wine, ate some nice food and had a jolly good time around Worcester. My mood was also helped after Arsenal beat Spurs 3-0, oh yes I thought gleefully, nothing could go wrong! It did and fast!

Me, Becca and the kid’s South African snail passed away, his name was Brian and he was truly a great snail! Rest in Peace my shell-backed friend. After picking up my motor from the garage (after they fixed a minor problem (still cost a few bob mind)) I was told the head gasket would also need replacing, and that job don’t come cheap, I could still potentially use my car to drive, however I would have to put up with a lot of steam on my windscreen and the annoyance of filling up the water tank every 3 miles and the gamble that the engine could bail on me any second! Euan’s buggy also decided to break just to add to the torment! There are also many other incidents I could write down on my blog, but I don’t think it is really necessary to delve too deep into these things, basically it has been a pants week, and hope that writing this blog will stop my torture!

If anyone has put some weird voodoo spell on me or my family, to teach me some lesson, I put my hands up, you have beaten me, now please reverse the spell, I don’t need anymore bad luck thank you!

To vent my anger who should I pick on, who deserves the wrath of my tongue, who out there deserved to be taught a lesson, to be picked upon and to wind up, who out there did I need to let rip and allow my emotions to run wild! I came to the conclusion that a hotel in Dover should be the unfortunate recipient of my anger!

Why a hotel? Why Dover? Did I hate the white cliffs? What would make me lose my rag to a hotel I had never even been to in my life? All these are valid questions, well please allow me to rewind the clocks slightly and give you a little introduction. (Oh and if you are wondering, no I don’t hate the white cliffs of Dover, in fact I have been inside them, and had a really cool tour once inside Winston Churchill’s secret headquarters!)

A few days ago I googled my surname – Wallett. Wallett is a rare name, I was told by a good source (my grandma) that there was only around 50 Wallett’s in the UK, I even managed to do a search and found out I am the only Adrian Wallett in the UK, pretty cool I am sure you would agree! Anyway, after I did my Google search I noticed something rather cool and interesting, the first listing showed a hotel, and its name was Wallett’s Court. You can visit the website here: http://www.wallettscourt.com. I was so happy, I loved the idea that a hotel shared my unusual surname, it made me tingle inside. I decided to email them and try to find out more about the hotels history and how it got its name, I sent the following email to Wallett’s Court:

“Dear Wallett's Court
After Googling my surname (Wallett) I was flabbergasted to find out you hotel shares my surname! And I don't use the word flabbergasted very often, it usually takes quite a lot to fluster my feathers!
After scanning through your websites pages I have to admit the hotel looks lovely, and is a good role model for the name Wallett - I salute you fine people!
In case you weren't aware, Wallett is a very rare name – there are only around 50 Wallett's in the whole of the UK. How did your hotel get the name Wallett? Was it named after anyone, you never know it could very well be one of my long lost relatives! Any history information on the hotel would be so much appreciated!
If I am ever in the Dover area I will do my best to pop down, say hi, have an ale and maybe even stay a night or two - I wont be asking for any extra favours, although a history lesson and tour of the premises wouldn't be turned down .
Incidentally I am an artist, so if Wallett's Court would like to display some Adrian Wallett original oil paintings – then let me know. If you would like some samples of my artwork, please reply and I will be honoured to email you some through. My Dad (Bernard Wallett) is a photographer, so if you would like to go down that route instead of my art I am 100% sure he would be interested in displaying his photo's at your fine hotel.
Kindest Regards
Adrian Wallett
Email: agwallett@googlemail.com”
There, I was proud of myself, my email was witty, good natured, a tad cheeky and a whiff of quirkiness thrown in. I was confident I would get a quick and nice reply. I was instantly sent an automated email, indicating they received my enquiry, as shown below:

“Dear Adrian Wallett,

Thank you very much for your enquiry. Your details have been noted and we
will contact you within 24 hours with a response.

If you have any questions or require further assistance, please do not
hesitate to contact us at info@wallettscourt.com

Or call the hotel direct on +44 (0)1304 852424 from 0700 to 2300 hrs GMT.

Yours sincerely,

Wallett's Court Country House Hotel, Restaurant & Spa
Westcliffe
Dover
Kent
United Kingdom
CT15 6EW
Telephone: (44) 01304 852424
Fax: (44) 01304 853430
Visit our website at http://www.wallettscourt.com”

I now had to play the waiting game, although I wouldn’t surely have to wait too long, as they did clearly state that they would reply within 24 hours. Between the time I sent this email and 24 hours later I had received a lot of bad news (much of it displayed above), my mood was getting worse and worse by the second, I was in such a bad mood, even little things like having no milk for my coffee at work made my blood boil, oh yes, I can promise you one thing, I gave the incredible Hulk a run for his money rivalling his anger. After scanning my inbox for any emails I remembered what Wallett’s Court had promised me – “we
will contact you within 24 hours with a response.”. Hmmm my email had been sent 24 hours ago and yet still no reply. I was angry, I was mad, I was borderline crazy, I decided to send another email to Wallett’s court, to give them a piece of my tongue and to help vent my anger, I sent the following email:

“Dear Wallett's Court

I emailed you 24 hours ago and on your automated reply you posted the following promise: "Your details have been noted and we will contact you within 24 hours with a response." I am still waiting for this response!

You clearly stated you WILL contact me within 24 hours. I wouldn't have minded if you said "we would try" or "we will do our best to", but you stated you would, and as you haven't emailed me back with a personal reply, I am calling you liars! I thought us Wallett's had to stick together - I guess I have been proven wrong! Thanks a bunch!

I am in a bad, grouchy, grumpy and foul mood because my car is broken and I have been forced to take public transport into work - a bus, tram then another bus, a journey that can quite easily put you in a foul mood for the rest of your day, and as you can probably guess I am in that mood and venting my anger where I see fit!

I sent you a nice email yesterday, a bit random yes I agree, but still nice, yet I get no reply - you should be ashamed of yourselves for not replying as you promised to do! I say if you can’t keep your promises don't make them!

Please reply to me as you should have done and I might consider forgiving you!

Regards

Adrian WALLETT

ps. I know this is a busy time for all businesses around Xmas (apart from maybe ice cream sellers) but I still feel that isn't a good enough excuse for not replying!”

Did Wallett’s Court really deserve this email? No, of course they didn’t, Did they deserve the word WILL both bolded and made huge? No way! Did it make me feel better? Yes it did. Did I ever expect to hear from the hotel again? Of course not, although I was half expecting a court junction, stating I wasn’t allowed in a 1 mile radius of the building. The next day I opened my inbox and very unexpectedly I did get an email from Wallett’s Court as shown below:

“Dear Mr Wallett

You sound more than a little stressed...

Before you read the rest of this email please do the following:

Find a quiet place free from draughts and bright light.

Loosen your clothing and lie or sit down in a comfortable position.

1. Place your hands on either side of your ribcage and close your eyes. Softly inhale through your nose, visualising the air passing through the nostrils and throat and into your lungs. Allow your ribcage to expand by moving your palms outwards.

2. Breathe out through your nose or mouth, gently compressing the sides of your ribcage with your hands to ensure full exhalation.

3. Continue this diaphragmatic breathing for about five minutes. Then lower the palms to your sides or place them in your lap, and begin visualisation while continuing deep, relaxed breathing.

4. Visualise a beautiful place where you feel really relaxed. It may be a garden, beach, mountain or a particular beauty spot. Picture it vividly with all your senses.

5. Picture yourself enjoying this special place and feeling relaxed and happy. Mentally repeat phrases that confirm this, such as "I feel very relaxed" and "I'm content and at peace." Stay in this place as long as you like.

6. When you’re ready, picture yourself leaving and returning to your current environment. Stretch your limbs and slowly open your eyes. Drink a glass of water.


Done all this?

Now read on...

I hadn't realised that your email came directly from our enquiry/reservations page on our website and ordinarily if your email was of a standard nature then my reservations team would have responded promptly.

I did read your email and was interested by your comments. The reason why I hadn't replied as yet was because I have spent the last couple of days researching the history of the name 'Wallett' at Wallett's Court for you and was going to send this information on and perhaps invite you down and possibly display your artwork.

If you'd like me to action this please advise accordingly.

By the way, please don't always assume everyone in the world is out to upset you, take a deep breath, think nice thoughts, do kind things, be a friend and you never know good things might start to happen...

Gavin Oakley

Owner/Part-time Life Coach

Call our friendly reservations team on +44 0800 0351628
Wallett's Court Country House Hotel, Restaurant and Spa
Westcliffe, St. Margaret's-at-Cliffe, Dover, Kent. CT15 6EW

Relaxation Tip...
If you're feeling a little stressed why not turn the lights down low,
light an incense stick, put some 'far out' whale song music on your iPod
and chill out with our cool new spa pages at
www.wallettscourt.com/breaks.htm”

I was ashamed of myself, I felt terrible, I let myself down and the Wallett name in the process. Gavin sounded like a top guy and the fact that he has spent time to look into my original enquiry really made me angry at myself. He may only be a part time life coach, but I reckon he good give the full timers a run for their money. I would of course be honoured to come down to the Hotel one day and the fact I might be able to display my art there was amazing, had I spurned this opportunity with one click of a mouse? I hoped not, I sent the following email to help rebuild the Wallett bridge, which was once so strong:

“Dear Gavin

Thanks for replying. I am sorry about my very rude email yesterday, I was incredibly stressed (as you somehow picked up on), no not at you or Wallett's court, although you certainly got the full brunt of my anger. I have had a terrible week and I guess, without really thinking, I just let rip. My South African snail just died (his name was Brian), my car broke down (which I have had for only 2 months) and now needs its head gasket replaced, which will probably cost me more then the car is worth, I have to get 3 modes of public transport to work each day in weather that comes straight from hell and to top it all off my current job is as about as fulfilling as eating a pickled slug!

It was really immature of me to send you that email yesterday, I am usually the most chilled out person alive and I hope you can accept my apologies. All of my above bad fortune isn't your fault at all and I am surprised you replied with such a nice email, I certainly don't deserve it.

I would love to hear more information about Wallett's Court and learn about its history and name in greater detail and I would be honoured to come down (if you still want me after my barbaric behaviour!) If I do come down I will apologise properly and buy you a drink to call it even?

Thanks for the tips of de-stressing myself, I will try to use them, at least until my bad luck goes away. I am honestly usually a really relaxed, quirky, creative and mellow person and do believe in karma and doing good things for others, I guess I was just close to my breaking point yesterday.

If you are serious about inviting me down I would be honoured to check out your fine Court. Thanks again for the kind words and your life coaching skills seem top notch!

Sorry again,

Adrian Wallett

Ashamed Person / Eager student of part-time life coach”

I haven’t received a reply to this email from Gavin yet, however I feel he might be teaching me an important lesson to be patient, we will see. Of course, if the opportunity to visit the hotel comes to light and any other opportunities come my way, I will grab them with two hands. I love Wallett’s Court and I am still really proud that we share the same name!

Anyway I have a few blog features to continue, so please allow spill my beans:

Business Tips for the Big Boys (all for little more than a t-shirt) (BTFTBBAFLMTATS for short)

My last email to McCain received one reply and that wasn’t even from the food company themselves, I wasn’t getting much success with my newer advertising ideas, my hunt for t-shirts was beginning to look more like the latest instalment of Mission Impossible. Then I thought who stocks Mission Impossible? Blockbuster, of course! So I sent Blockbuster the following advertising idea:

“Dear Blockbuster

I am a Blockbuster member and proud to be so. I often rent DVD's and games from your fine business. I know it is hard for rental companies these days, what with DVD's and games prices ever decreasing so I admire your strategies to sat ahead of the pack and keep thinking out new idea and schemes to keep your customers enticed and loyal. To help you keep your current customers happy and content and keep Blockbuster in the front of their brains I have a new marketing and advertising idea you might consider using.

I am a bit of retro freak, I like classic computer games, old music and of course the golden oldies of television. I was a huge fan of Blockbusters hosted by the great Bob Holness. This popular UK game show still has a place in many peoples hearts across the nation and I feel you could capitalise on this notion and base a new television campaign around this classic show. Your company of course shares a very similar name to the classic game show.

I feel the advert could start with Bob Holness staring at the TV screen, welcoming everyone to a new episode of Blockbuster. The contestants would then be shown looking confused and a bit anxious. One contestant would then get a brainwave and ask bob the following questions:

Can I have a D please Bob?
Can I have a V please Bob?
Can I have a D please Bob?

Bob would smile back at the screen and would say:

'Of course you can, at Blockbuster we provide a large selection of the latest and greatest DVD's, Games and more. So what are you
waiting for? Visit your nearest Blockbuster store today!'

I feel this advert is memorable, funny and would bring back many fond memories to people who used to watch Blockbusters religiously. I am sure Bob Holness wouldn't be too hard to book for your adverts as he would probably jump at the chance to bring Blockbusters back to the TV.

Anyway let me know what you think about my adverting idea. If you would like to take this idea further please email me on: agwallett@googlemail.com.

To help spread the word of Blockbuster further could I be really cheeky and ask for a free Blockbuster T-shirt or any other freebie? Anything would be very much appreciated, and if you send me a t-shirt I will proudly walk around and be your free walking billboard. Please send any items to the following address:

Adrian Wallett
**********
********
Croydon
Surrey
******
United Kingdom

Kindest Regards

Adrian Wallett
Email: agwallett@googlemail.com”

I was sure I was onto a winner here, who doesn’t love Bob Holness? Well I am happy to state I did receive some replies from Blockbuster, I was first emailed this:

“Thank you for your email and your great idea for an advertising campaign.

We are currently developing our campaign for 2007 with our advertising agency, however we shall keep your ideas on file.

Thank you for being a loyal customer and we hope you continue to rent and buy from us in the future.

Many Thanks
Katie Clifford
Blockbuster Press Office”

Hmmm, I wasn’t totally sure what to make of this reply, of course I was happy Katie thought my idea was great, and would at least keep my ideas on file, but I don’t like being pessimistic, but I doubt Bob Holness cant wait around forever, if you get my thinking! I then received another email from Blockbuster as shown below:

“Mr Adrian Wallett

5 December, 2006

Our Reference: BBV/126908/C
Membership Number: 2614592***

Dear Mr Wallett

Thank you for your e-mail dated 28th November.

Your suggestion has been logged for future reference.

Thank you for taking the time to contact Blockbuster.

Yours sincerely

Ninyas Sapper
UK Customer Service Advisor”

Ok, I like Ninyas name, but I don’t like her emailing technique, talk about wooden, boring and quite frankly pointless! At least Kate put a bit more oomph into her reply (I should bold the word bit). But at the end of the day it was another reply and another logged idea, it all helps. I was angry no one picked up on my request for a free t-shirt so I decided to email both Kate and Ninyas the following email:

“Dear Ninyas / Katie

I am glad you like my advertising idea, I am happy you have logged my idea and I hope one day you Will use it, however Bob Holness is already quite old so I urge you to use it sooner, rather than later.

I know it is cheeky in asking, but is there any chance of receiving a free Blockbuster t-shirt, I guess for payment of my advertising idea. If you do post me a t-shirt I will be your free walking billboard and will sing Blockbusters praises whenever possible, however my singing voice isn't very good and can be compared closer to Lionel Blair than Lionel Richie, so maybe that would be a deterrent if anything! Anyway please post any goodies to:

Adrian Wallett
*********
**********
Croydon
Surrey
*****

Thanks again

Adrian Wallett”

I received the following reply from Katie:

“Thanks Adrian

I am afraid we do not have any Blockbuster branded goodies.

I have some rental vouchers which I can post to you but these will need to be used by the end of the year as they expire shortly.

I will pop these in the post to you now.

Thank you for your support

Katie

Katie Clifford
Blockbuster Entertainment”

Ok, so it isn’t a t-shirt, but hey I can’t really complain! I will make an extra effort to use these vouchers just to say thanks to Blockbusters!

I am still eagerly awaiting any further replies from Ninyas, I will keep you, my blogger buddies posted of any further developments.

Mr Questions Needs Your Answers

In my last blog we discovered what the meaning of life was (please refer back to blog 13 to find out), oh and thanks for Chris who helped me understand why 42 was a popular answer! But I don’t want to stop there, I had other questions I needed answered! In this blog we will try to find out:

How do you define right and wrong?

I received a few answers as shown below:
• i'm always right

• If it feels right to you, without being intently malicious, then it is right. Anything purposefully negative, is wrong.

• right is a direction and wrong is a Chinese meal

• I think "would I like it if it was done to me" if the answer to it is no then chances are it's wrong.

All good answers I am sure you would agree! Is wrong really a Chinese meal? Next time I am ordering a Chinese takeaway I will make sure I order an extra large helping of wrong and see if that helps my philosophical juices flow! I feel the best answer though is the last answer. I feel right and wrong can be weighed up well if you put yourself in the same scenario and “would I like it done to me” so perfectly put down is a key answer to this question. In my next blog, I will again try to find out key answers to the worlds biggest questions!

ITV Are Jerks! *SPECIAL BONUS FEATURE*

You would think I would think twice about emailing a company a really rude email after my Wallett’s Court affair as described above, well in most cases you would be correct, but ITV deserved special treatment. Allow me to explain. Earlier this week (Wednesday) Arsenal played Porto in the Champions League, they both required a draw to proceed to the next stage, if one of the teams lost there was a good chance they wouldn’t go through. The match finished 0-0. Both teams ultimately went through. I only saw the highlights of the game, and to be honest Porto outplayed Arsenal and even hit the post twice. Arsenal could of easily lost this game, but thankfully we didn’t. It certainty wasn’t a great game of football, but here still chances to the win the game, and up until the last 5 minutes both teams were attempting to win. Anyway ITV annoyed me greatly and any remaining (already quite small amount) of respect I had left for the failing channel quickly evaporated into thin air. Please see my email I sent below to understand why I was so angry at this poor excuse for a channel:

“Dear ITV

I was disgusted to find that you asked the following question in your football website poll:

Should Arsenal and Porto be thrown out of the Champions League for contriving a dire 0-0 draw?

Even asking this question proves how foolish you are, and how little you must know about the sport. If you watched the game you would of understood that there were good scoring chances (mainly for Porto I have to add) that could easily of won the game. Porto hit the post twice - if you are telling me, the Porto player was aiming to hit the post and not score, you are either a liar or a fool or have too much faith in a footballers ability. Contriving the draw (as you put it) also became pointless after CSKA Moscow lost their game against Hamburg.

ITV have always angered me with their football coverage, from the dire days of the Premiership (who on Earth thought the tactics van (or whatever it was called) was a good idea?). Your pundits also seem to have as much charisma as a dead rat that has the following tattoo edged onto his back 'I AM NOT CHARISMATIC!'.

Please ask better and more valid football polls from now on, as if you keep going down this route, ITV's current bad times will continue to decline quicker than a Lemming falling of a cliff!

Please reply to apologise and I would love to hear your arguments why you asked this stupid poll in the first place!

Regards

Adrian Wallett

Disgruntled ITV Website Viewer

Email: agwallett@googlemail.com”

I received the following reply:

“Thank you for your email.

I have passed your email to ITV Interactive Customer Services to investigate and they will get back to you directly as soon as possible.

Their direct contact details for your information are:

Tel: 0845 011 0055 (1000 to 1700 Monday to Friday)
Email: itvihelp@itv.com

Duty Officer-AT

ITV Viewer Enquiries
Gas Street
Birmingham B1 2JT
Tel: 0870 600 6766
Minicom: 0870 241 6346
Fax: 0121 634 4898
Email: dutyoffice@itv.com
Office Hours:
0800-2300 Monday to Friday,
1000-2200 Saturday & Sunday.
Closed on Bank Holidays”

I hope they reply properly with a proper apology. Arsenal are a fair team who I honestly feel play the game in the right spirit and sportsmanship. ITV are jerks, end of discussion!

This is the end of my 14th blog, I guess the theme was me being grumpy! I was grumpy at my bad week, initially grumpy at Wallett’s Court, grumpy at ITV and kinda grumpy at Blockbuster (again initially at least). Anyway I hope you enjoyed the read, feel free to leave a comment and subscribe if you haven’t already done so.

YOU ROCK DOST

Adriano

Hi Dost’s

Welcome to my 13th blog. Many people believe 13 is an unlucky number, I have no evidence to prove this theory, but if you read my blog I am quite sure you will have a lucky day, don’t believe me? Well just read on, hold onto your braces, grit your teeth and enjoy the ride baby!

My last weekend was very chilled and relaxed; I went shopping on Saturday and played footy on Sunday. My supported team (Arsenal) and my Sunday League team (Milburn) lost over the weekend, so I was in a grumpy and grouchy mood that could only be compared to the rage boiled up inside father bear in the Goldilocks story after his porridge and bed had been tampered with. To help improve my fragile mood I will be introducing a new and limited edition blog feature, you will have to keep reading to find out more!

Please allow me to move onto my regular blog features as I have more to squeeze in than a giant octopus that has to fit into a Hellmans mustard jar (empty of course) while being pumped up by a bicycle pump and being force fed dry rice that is eager to expand in a hungry octopuses belly!

The Return of the Demon Headmaster? – Roundup

In my last blog I accepted a mission set by The Demon Headmaster himself, he basically asked to email the BBC to try and get his great show re-commissioned and ask whether a DVD will be released. I accepted this mission and received a number of quite amusing emails (please see my 12th blog for more understanding). I am sad to report I have not received any further emails from the BBC regarding my questions, however the Demon Headmaster himself got back to me and left me the following comment regarding my brave efforts:

“Excellent work, though I have not yet got my show back or my DVD out yet! Never mind I shall take advantage of the email address' posted above and use my own brand of Headmaster hypnotisism (note I've been banned by the police from coming within a square mile of Television Centre after the fiasco of Children in Need 1999!).

I shall elevate you to prefect status for your sterling efforts and amusing blog work!

Good luck in your continuing quest!”

I am really proud to be a prefect and will not hide away from my responsibilities of demolishing SPLAT and hunting down Dinah Hunter and helping the Headmaster gain full control of the world. I am also really proud to report that a few of my fellow blogger friends have agreed to also email the BBC to continue mine and the headmasters aim at getting this great show back on the screens. Any support is welcome, no matter how small.

BONUS Celeb Email Challenge FEATURE!

I am a big fan of Louis Theroux, I respect his interviewing techniques and his uncanny skill of asking the questions that many of use wouldn’t dare asking, yet still gaining honest and truthful replies. Sorry folks I haven’t emailed Louis, but I have emailed one of his biggest guests to ever appear on his hit show, no not Jimmy Saville, I am talking about Christine Hamilton. Although being a celebrity in her own right she is also well know for being married to the ex-conservative Neil Hamilton, who left the party in a blaze of controversy. I decided to email the ex-I’m a celebrity get me out here star the following message:

“Dear Christine

I really enjoyed you and your husband on the Louis Theroux show. I thought you and Neil both acted brilliantly, in what must had been an almost unbearable scenario. I really like Louis's people skills and I feel he is quite clever at getting answers from people in a polite yet sneaky manner. How did you find Louis? Is he a nice person behind the camera?

I am by no means 100% clued up on UK politics, although I do still try to keep track of the biggest developments in the major parties. Are you and your husband still heavily interested in politics? I personally have lost faith in many politicians in today's environment and sometimes feel I should try to create my own party with new beliefs, strategies and no hidden agendas. This is obviously a huge mission, which of course couldn't happen overnight, but I like the old saying 'from small seeds, do big oaks grow'. Have you or either you husband been interested in starting a new political party? I feel you would have a much better approach than many of today's so called big players. Anyway thanks for listening to my ramblings and any ideas, advice and guidance at starting in politics would be very much appreciated.

Good luck to you and Neil in the future.

Any reply would be so much appreciated.

Kindest Regards

Adrian Wallett

Email: agwallett@googlemail.com

P.s. I know it is cheeky in asking, but is it possible you could post me a signed photo of you and Neil to the following address:

Adrian Wallett
*************
*************
Croydon
Surrey
******”

I did kiss butt a bit with my above message, my only excuse was I was eager for a reply and I felt this would be the best strategy to adopt. I was also kind of fibbing about my ambition to start a new political party, don’t get me wrong the idea has crossed my mind, but I am well aware of the huge commitment it would need, plus as already stated above I am now 100% clued up with every aspect of politics. I am proud to announce I did receive a reply from Christine Hamilton, she replied with the following email:

“Dear Adrian,

Thanks for e-mail and good wishes. Yes, Louis is delightful and we are
still in touch with him - had lunch with him a month or so ago.

Gosh - I am the last person to ask about politics - I am a totally
politics free zone! The best way to start a new party would be to get
into one of the existing ones and change it - perhaps a breakaway group -
remember the SDP? Get stuck into the mainstream process and see what
happens in a few years when you have some good experience under your belt.

Good luck and best wishes

Christine
xx”

Yes Christine, a quality and very polite reply. I am happy she is still in touch with old Louis, I reckon he would be a good friend to have in your corner. I really appreciated her advice on politics, but I doubt I will use it any time soon. My main reason would be that I would be betraying the Demon Headmaster, who is trying to take control of the world and I have already sworn that I am fighting for his goal of world domination, although my potential doorway into politics could make his entrance easier and I could be a useful spy. I will need to consider my next move with much care. Oh yeah, still no sign of a signed photo from the Hamilton’s, I guess not all dreams can come true.

*NEW BLOG FEATURE* - Mr Questions Needs Your Answers

I find philosophy really interesting, I am no master at the subject, I can’t recite many famous quotes from the main dudes of philosophy, but that certainly doesn’t mean I don’t respect the subject, on the contrary I want to learn more and open my mind to new ideas and theories. I could read a book on the subject, I could watch a documentary on the subject, I could search the internet to gain vital information on the subject, however I decided to choose another route to quench my thirst for philosophical knowledge, I chose you!

About three weeks ago I set up a new Google email account. I named myself Mr Questions and successfully set up an email called please.reply.to.mr.questions@googlemail.com. I didn’t tell anyone that I had done this; I wanted my experiment to be a surprise, and gain honest and brutal answers from my proposed plan. I decided the best way to gain the real answers to the main philosophical questions ever asked was to gain them from the Tom, Dicks and Harry’s of this world (incidentally I only know two Toms, no Harry’s and thankfully no Dicks!).

I emailed my friends, friends of friends and other random email addresses I could get my grubby little hands on and proceeded to ask the questions that needed to be answered - ten of the most popular philosophical questions ever asked by man, questions that had stumped such great minds as Plato, Socrates, Dakar and many more. For the next 10 blogs I will look at each of my asked questions and the responses I received. Below is the email I sent out and the 1st question I asked:

Please answer the following questions:

1. What is the meaning of life?

And nine more questions to be revealed in later blogs…

Please answer as honestly as you can. All will become clear soon.

I didn’t receive a lot of replies, but below is a sample of few answers I did receive for this particular question:


• There is no meaning of life, the only meaning is the guideline to live it and to gain the most life experience and happiness you can. Try everything you wanted, and you cannot regret life, therefore it was successful.

• 42, everyone knows that :)

Interesting findings, I am not sure why the number 42 has been used twice; maybe I am missing something really obvious. I like the 1st answer best as I feel it gives a good general guidance of how a life should be lived. If you wish to enter the argument on the meaning of life, please feel free to leave a comment. Could I also take this opportunity to apologise to anyone I might have offended by sneaking into their inboxes and asking quite personal questions, it was never my intention to rude or malicious, I will keep all displayed answers anonymous.

Business Tips for the Big Boys (all for little more than a t-shirt) (BTFTBBAFLMTATS for short)

Kronenbourg had left me high and dry in my last blog, they had sent me one reply, one automated reply, one automated French reply! Apart from my Heinz success, which was beginning to feel like a distant memory I had fired another blank in my quest to gain a free t-shirt in offering my advertising advice. I dusted myself down, bit my lip and let another email fire from my outbox into the laps of McCain, surely I would have more luck with this giant potato food company? I sent the following email to every department, email address and online form to McCain:

“Dear McCain

Firstly I would like to say I am a huge fan of your potato based products, especially your home fried chips which I could eat 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365 days a year (although living on just chips for a year wouldn't really be the best diet in the world). Anyway I am not only emailing you to discuss my chip eating habits, I am mainly emailing you fine people to discuss a potential advertising campaign you might be interested in.

I am sure you would agree that kids are your number one market for the vast majority of your goods, I therefore feel a well known cartoon character would be ideal to advertise your products and entice your young market to purchase more McCain products while at the supermarket.

In the popular cartoon series The Simpons, their is a character called Rainier Wolfcastle, who is often also referred to as McBain. He is an action packed character, full of muscle and great jokes. I feel the McBain character would be the ideal character to front your adverts as he is a well known and liked Simpson character, he is strong, funny, recognisable and of course his name rhymes with McCain.

One potential TV advert could start with McBain tied to the front of a runaway train fast approaching a broken bridge, McBain would then look at the camera and say: "McBain needs McCain to stop this runaway Train". He then approaches a cafe where he manages to grab a plate of McCain Home fries and tucks in. He then has the strength to snap his ropes and jump in front of the train and push the train to a sudden halt, just in time. Then the following slogan hits the screens:

"McBain Gives The Thumbs Up To McCain Home Fries!"

I am not sure how you would go about gaining the necessary rights to use the Simpsons character McBain as part of your marketing campaign, but I am sure their is no harm in contacting the FOX network and the producers of The Simpsons to see if they give you the green light.

Anyway let me know what you think about my adverting idea. If you would like to take this idea further please email me on: agwallett@googlemail.com.

To help spread the word of McCain further could I be really cheeky and ask for a free McCain T-shirt or any other freebie. Anything would be very much appreciated, and if you send me a t-shirt I will proudly walk around and be your free walking billboard. Please send any items to the following address:

Adrian Wallett
*********
*********
Croydon
Surrey
*******
United Kingdom

If this email finds its way to the wrong department of McCain, could you please forward it onto the McCain marketing department or to anyone else who might be interested.

Kindest Regards

Adrian Wallett”

I even sent the above email to John McCain, the US Senator of Arizona and Edwin McCain, a popular singer / songwriter again from across the pond, basically to do little more than fluster a few feathers and raise a few eyebrows.

Apart from many automated replies from McCain, stating they would forward my email to the UK McCain HQ (they must have had my message sent to them more times than they have had hot dinners) I only received one personal email as shown below:

“Sorry – you’ve reached a musician – nothing to do with ‘potato products’.
Best wishes…

Melissa Simmons

Harrington Artist Management
PO Box 1267
Decatur, GA 30031-1267”

Yup, you guessed correctly a representative of Edwin McCain, the musician had replied – ‘nothing to do with potato products’, as she so correctly put it. Maybe Heinz had contacted every company in the world and revealed my plan to gain free merchandise, warning them a young rogue was about to toy with them!

Well that is the end of my 13th blog, I guess this particular blog was full of P’s – philosophy, politics, potato products, and most proudly becoming a prefect. Thanks for reading, feel free to leave a comment and subscribe if you haven’t already done so.

YOU ROCK DOST

Adriano

Hi Dost's

Welcome to my 12th blog. You just reading this makes me feel happier than a roman empire about to sit at his throne at the magnificent Colosseum to watch a gladiator match between 3 hungry bears, 2 annoyed panthers a tiger that is so hungry it could eat 5 slaves in 5 gulps and err 5 slaves.

I had an amazing weekend, me and my partner Becca flew to Rome to see all the sites, dine like roman kings and queens and soak up more culture than a vulture that has been let loose in a room full of famous paintings and sculptures and has had its wings tattooed by Rolf Harris, had its tail painted by Leonardo Da Vinci and had its beak chipped away and sculptured by Michelangelo.

Rome was incredible, it really is an amazing city that is worth seeing before you either die, go blind, turn into a bitter old man or lady that can't appreciate anything or so insane that you think you are living on Pluto.

Me and Becca arrived at Rome around lunchtime on Friday and after a quick power nap (we were exhausted after a long journey) we went on to find the Colosseum that was about 7 minutes from our hotel. I was shocked how big it is, it honestly took our breath away at the sheer scale of this awesome building! We then admired the surrounding area which included the cool arch of Constantine and the sweet Roman Forums, and found a hidden small church that had a famous statue of Moses, done by Michelangelo! We then sat down by the Colosseum, eating some cool Italian ice cream and saw a man have his foot run over by a manic driver! Yes you heard me right, an old man was just crossing a zebra crossing (which seems to mean nothing in Italy) when a small car stopped too late and on top of the mans foot! After much shouting and hand waving the car finally reversed of his foot and luckily he still managed to cross the street in one piece! We also found a grand church that again had some magnificent statues and paintings, including a cool painting / sculpture of the grim reaper! After a lovely meal and seeing a few more sights we decided to have an early night, in preparation for the following day, where we really needed to fit in more sightseeing than a man whose job it is to sight see for a living!

Saturday was truly a whirlwind trip to see all of Rome, I feel Becca and I really gave a great go at seeing all the sites! After joining a guided tour, we went all around the inside of the Colosseum, after learning that the word Arena actually means sand we jumped on the Metro and went to the Vatican (a whole country in its self and home of the Pope). After what seemed miles of walking through hundreds of corridors and rooms, stacked full of incredible art and sculptures we finally got to the Sistine chapel where we saw the finale and main attraction of the whole place – the famous Last Judgement painting by Michelangelo. It really was worth the wait and quite incredible. I managed to take some sneaky photos (although it was "forbidden", please see my myspace pics if you want to see). After the Vatican we headed back to the Colosseum where we had another guided tour booked for the Roman Forums. The great tour guide shared many cool stories of Rome and pointed out some absolutely incredible building and ruins, you could literally see how Rome has evolved and grown, as many building have been built on top of each other, which is why the city is sometimes refereed to as 'the eternal city'. After the Forums we went onto the Pantheon - basically a giant church with an awesome roof. We then took the short walk to truly incredible Trevi fountain; I threw in a Euro coin as hard as I could – which basically means my heart will bring me back to Rome one day – that is one condition I can live with! Becca and I must have walked miles and mile that day, and saw many other amazing sites in-between the stated ones above. We topped off the evening with a really nice meal, lovely wine and beautiful and quite amusing piano music, which seemed to be played by a Fabien Barthtez look-alike or twin brother. Overall the weekend was amazing and without sounding too corny, Rome will stay in my heart forever as a truly beautiful city, so full of culture and history, there should be a warning label attached before you visit in case you get culture overload!

Anyway, please let me move onto my regular blog features, as I truly have more to cram in than a sumo wrestler that hasn't eaten for 3 whole weeks and is locked in a room full of sushi and rice and has to prepare for a fight the following evening!

The Return of the Demon Headmaster?

In case you are unaware I have a very close friend on my MySpace buddy list, yes you have guessed correctly, none other than the villainous, intelligent and calculated Demon Headmaster. (you can view his quality profile here: http://www.myspace.com/thedemonheadmaster - I am confident he would accept you as a friend, as long as you aide his mission to find his arch enemy, Dinah Hunter and don't join SPLAT). Anyway, last week the headmaster set me a challenge, he sent me the following email:

"Dear Adrian,
I deeply enjoy reading your blog adventures and was wondering if I could set you a sort of... challenge... as it were.... I would deeply appreciate it if you could perhaps email the BBC's relevant departments (BBC drama, CBBC etc) and ask three questions for me: 1. Why were the never any more series' of the Demon Headmaster when the final episode clearly left it open ended? 2. Why has The Demon Headmaster TV series never been released on BBC DVD? 3. Why has the quality of Children's drama currently on CBBC dropped appallingly and what are you planning to do about it?
Of course you can spin it anyway you like and ask them to throw in a few freebies for yourself naturally! Good luck! The Headmaster P.S Can I have some signed Adrian Wallett merchandise!"

I was honoured the headmaster took time out from his busy schedule of master minding amazing plots to take over the world to email little old me, I quickly replied with the following email:

"Dear Demon Headmaster

I too was a huge fan of the great BBC series and yes I was bitterly disappointed when the BBC quit the show after only making 3 series. I feel the current children's TV on the box is about as enjoyable as listening to paint dry, yes not even as exciting as watching it! After much consideration (well 2 seconds worth) I am happy to say I will accept your mission and will ask the 3 questions you have highlighted, and will ask to as many relevant (and not so relevant) people as possible.

I will ask for some freebies in my usual cheeky manner, but I swear this additional bonus mission won't detract me away from my number one objective - GETTING YOU BACK ON THE BOX AND HYPNOTISING EVERYONE IN SIGHT!

This mission will of course appear in my next blog!

Good Luck with your ongoing battle to find Dinah Hunter and thanks again for your continued blog support.

YOU ROCK DOST

Adriano

P.s. Adrian Wallett official merchandise will be available as soon as Demon Headmaster is back on our screens - so if my email goes well, maybe next week!"

The headmaster, in his usual relaxed manner replied to my acceptance of his mission with the following message:

"Excellent! If you manage to do this, you shall be appointed a prefect and have the honour of having a spot in my top friends forever. The Headmaster"

My mission was on, it would be exciting, daring and have many twists and turns. I urge to read on to see what happens in this exciting tale of emails, emails and more emails!

I quickly wrote a nice and blunt email to every department possible at the BBC, I sent the following email:

"Dear BBC

Back in my youth I used to storm home from school and sit In front of the box and watch CBBC religiously from 4.00 p.m . to 5.35 p.m. One of my favourite shows (and books for that matter) was the gripping Demon Headmaster series. I feel the BBC really took a great risk in turning the classic Gillian Cross novels into good TV adaptations. I personally feel there is still room for a few more series of this great show, and I am confident I am not the only person to think this way. Is there any chance you would consider bringing it back to our screens?

Terrence Hardiman would still be ideal as the Demon Headmaster and I am sure he would snap your arm off to reprise this amazing role, I agree casting the children would be the main stumbling block, as the original cast members are now probably Uni students, living it up large in their university halls. Maybe you could remake the whole series again from scratch with a whole new cast of SPLAT members; I feel enough time has passed for the next generation of children to appreciate this whole story again.

I am 100% sure Gillian Cross would give you the thumbs up to go ahead with this project, as I have recently emailed her and she seems like a great lady, always at hand to help.

If there is no chance a new series will be created, is there any possibility you could still release the existing episodes on a new DVD package? I know a video was released many moons ago, however this is selling like gold dust on eBay, proving that there is still a great demand for this cult show and that people around the UK are still willing to part with their hard earned cash to see the SPLAT members in full swing. I feel you would make more money than you might initially forecast by selling the Demon Headmaster series on DVD, I personally feel it is worth the risk!

If there is no chance of a Demon Headmaster revival, is there still a chance that any new, exciting and gripping drama series are in the pipeline to be produced, as I have to be blunt, the recent quality has seemed anything but hypnotising!

Anyway thanks for reading my email, any reply would be very much appreciated, and could I be really cheeky in asking for any memorabilia. I would be over the moon if you could post me any Demon Headmaster or CBBC goodies. A signed Terence Hardiman poster or T-Shirt would be my ultimate request, but seriously even a CBBC eraser would be great. Please post any goodies to:

Adrian Wallett
**************
********
Croydon
Surrey
******

Thanks again for reading my email; any reply would be so much appreciated.

If this email finds its way to the wrong department, could you please forward it onto the CBBC marketing / programme department or anyone else who might be interested.

Kindest Regards

Adrian Wallett
Email: agwallet@googlemail.com"

I emailed watchdog, points of view, the BBC complaints department, the BBC feedback department, radio 4 customer views website, the ideas website for new program ideas, directors of the BBC, the BBC recruitment website – basically any email, form you could fill in, anything and anywhere I emailed them my request for the Demon Headmaster to be bought back to our screens. I of course emailed CBBC, CBBC and CBBC. Don't worry folks I haven't accidentally copied and pasted the word CBBC two times too many, I of course emailed the BBC's children's television department – better known as CBBC. But I also emailed the China Britain Business Council again known as the CBBC and also Central Bucks Bicycle Club again known as the CBBC. I thought all CBBC's should know about me and the headmasters cause!

I quickly received many automated emails from the BBC, simply saying they had received my request / complaint / enquiry / recruitment email etc and that they would try to reply as soon as possible. However my first personal reply came from CBBC, which one I hear you ask? Well please see the below email to find out:

"This is not childrens bbc.

We are china britain business council. bbc.co.uk is how their emails end.

Bernadette Rosario"

Wow, I was happy for any reply from anyone regarding my mission and receiving an email from Bernadette was no different, yes she was snappy and yes she was a little too blunt for my liking, but I still decide to reply to her with the following email:

"Dear Bernadette

Sorry about emailing you, as you rightly guessed I was trying to email CBBC - the popular Children's department in the BBC. Do you get a few stray emails that were meant to go to the BBC?

I am sure you look in both fondness and annoyance when some moron like me emails the China Britain Business School a question which is nothing to do with either China, Britain, Business or School. Although thinking about it in more detail you could argue the Demon Headmaster was based in Britain, the headmaster himself was certainly intelligent and dressed like a stern businessman and actually launched a few successful businesses including a large nightclub chain and of course he was a headmaster which you find in schools! The only link I can't really find is the China one, maybe the next Demon Headmaster novel by Gillian Cross could be based in China?

I have gone off in a tangent again, sorry. Anyway do you like the Demon Headmaster series? If you haven't read these books please do. Good luck at the China Britain Business School; I actually completed a business studies degree and would love to travel to China one day to see the culture of this ever evolving country. Where would you recommend is the best place to visit in China?

Thanks again for your speedy reply.

Kindest Regards

Adrian Wallett"

Bernadette didn't reply to this email, she was obviously hoping I would leave her and the China Britain Business Council alone, did I leave her alone? Nope I simply emailed her the same message again to really fluster her feathers, and it had the desired effect as shown from her snappy reply:

"please visit our website www.cbbc.org for information on china particularly our China Guide.

Bernadette Rosario"

I was happy my email was affecting people, it might be annoying but at least it got people thinking about the Demon Headmaster, and who knows, maybe once Bernadette's has calmed down, she re-read my emails and join our cause for the revival of the Demon Headmaster!

I then received another message from CBBC; again, you might ask which one? Well please see the below reply:

Dear Adrian,
We received your note encouraging the Demon Headmaster revival and we're enthusiastic too. However, you've posted it to the wrong organization. We are CBBC: the Central Bucks Bicycle Club, in Pennsylvania, US. So unfortunately our only influence extends to matters of bicycling and not to children's programming. We hope that you find the correct website and resubmit your missive to them. Best of luck and happy riding,Sue Quate
Central Bucks Bicycle Club"

Yes Sue! My email had made an impression across the pond and really got the CBBC thinking, yes maybe the wrong CBBC you might argue, but still it is a start in the right direction! Plus anyone who states they are "enthusiastic too" has only got to be a good thing! I decided to reply to Sue and the Central Bucks Bicycle Club with the following email:

"Dear Sue

Thanks for emailing me back. I am sorry my email came through to the wrong organisation. I guess any support for the potential Demon Headmaster revival is very welcome, and just saying you are enthusiastic is a step in the right direction. Maybe we could do a joint marketing / petition campaign to help both our fine causes? We could create t-shirts with the following slogan:

We Are CBBC - No You Walnut, Not The UK Children's Channel (That so brutally cancelled the great Demon Headmaster series) - We Are The Central Bucks Bicycle Club!

And on the back of the t-shirt this slogan could appear:

Support the CBBC & The Demon Headmaster!

I feel this slogan, be it a bit too long, would certainly raise some impact and a few eyebrows and promote both our good causes!

Anyway, have you heard about the Demon Headmaster, it is a series of books written by a famous British author, Gillian Cross, I imagine the US and the fine people at Pennsylvania could get a copy of these gripping tales if looked hard enough.

How would I potentially join your club? Do you accept UK members? I used to cycle to my old work when I was younger, but I now drive, sorry. Good luck with your great club, and thanks again for replying.

Kindest Regards

Adrian Wallett
(An Honorary CBBC Club Member (If you agree?))"

Sue didn't rely to email, but I hope she and her co bikers are mulling over my request to join the campaign. I would love to see the day when the Tour De France is full of bikers wearing my t-shirt and winning the event and dedicating their victory to the imperious Demon Headmaster!

I was excited by my feedback so far, but to be honest I hadn't really received an email that would really get the Demon Headmaster back on our screens any time soon! I played the waiting game and finally received an email from the actual BBC as shown below:

"Dear AdrianThank you for your e-mail regarding the 'Demon Headmaster'.I was delighted to read of your interest in the programme and understand you feel another series should be commissioned. We are unaware of any plans to do so as of yet, however please be assured I have registered your comments regarding this issue and have made them available to senior BBC management. Feedback of this nature helps us when making decisions about future BBC programmes and your comment will play a part in this process.In regards to other BBC Dramas, you may find the following of some interest which details many new and existing broadcasts:http://www.bbc.co.uk/dramaThank you again for taking the time to contact the BBC.RegardsAdam SimsBBC Information"

I was happy to receive this reply from Adam, and I honestly feel it isn't a template reply, but please can a man write a more boring email!? I feel Adam could get a job at any large organisation (possibly Heinz) to write every potential email rely to every possible scenario possible! At least he has made my requests available to senior BBC management, but still I feel he could have done more plus he didn't answer my Demon Headmaster DVD question, so I quickly replied with the following email:

"Dear Adam Sims / BBC Info

Thanks so much for replying to my Demon Headmaster request. I hope the BBC management team take note of my comments and views and take the gamble to recommission a new series of the cult Demon Headmaster.

I appreciate the BBC likes to keep programme's fresh (well most of the time - Open All Hours, I feel is about as fresh as a pair of old underpants!), so creating a new series of the Demon Headmaster is I agree a gamble, but one well worth taking!

There are still a few Demon Headmaster books that haven't been serialised, so writing new scripts wouldn't be as big a deal as writing a whole new show from scratch, I also feel the poignant message that the media and advertising (captured perfectly by the Demon Headmaster) can hypnotise and alter children's views and opinions is a key message that needs to be tackled!

Is there any more news on a potential DVD release of the great show?

Thanks again for your reply, and the web link, I will be sure to check it out.

Kindest Regards

Adrian Wallett"

I am still awaiting a reply from Adam or anyone else from the BBC for that matter. I hope this story gets the happy ending it so rightfully deserves, at the very least I have helped move things in the right direction and got a few people (including a Chinese Business Council and a cycling club in America)thinking about the great Demon Headmaster and its possible revival!

Overall I am not 100% sure if I have completed my mission set by the Headmaster, I asked the questions that needed to be asked, I gained a few replies and a little information. I did my best and I guess you can't ask more than that? If anyone can help the Headmaster in his mission, no matter how small I urge you to do you bit! I will of course add any more replies and emails I might receive regarding this adventure in any future blogs.

Business Tips for the Big Boys (all for little more than a t-shirt) (BTFTBBAFLMTATS for short)

I am sad to report I have had no further emails from either Red Bull or any other company I had previously emailed regarding my mission for free t-shirts, but I didn't let that hold me down, so I moved onto my next pray. To continue my hunt for a free t-shirt from big organisations by offering my advertising advice I recently emailed Kronenbourg a new marketing campaign idea. I emailed every possible department at Kronenbourg and every form I could fill in, I even emailed their French site. I sent the following email:

"Dear Kronenbourg

I am emailing you guys at Kronenbourg to ultimately tell you one thing; you are my favourite lager! I am big fan and would even bathe in your fine tipple (I am not sure if my partner would go near me mind you). Please keep creating this grand lager and you will have a devoted fan till his dying days!

I am also emailing you as I have a marketing / advertising idea for you to consider. Why not evolve your '1664 is a good year for beer' campaign with the following idea. An evil scientist travels back in time from 2006 to 1664 to try and steal Kronenbourg's unique recipe and launch it under his name 'Foneybourg'. The scientist successfully steals his ingredients (wheat, grain, etc) and jumps back into his time machine / teleporter, resets the time machine to travel back to 2006. His evil plan is finally thwarted when the door of the time machine slides open and a confused scarecrow steps out! The following slogan could then appear on screen; '1664, a good year for beer, a bad year for time travelling!' This advert would use the concept of teleporting from the classic movie 'The Fly' starring Jeff Goldlum, where a man's DNA would merge with other objects.

Anyway let me know what you think about my adverting idea. If you would like to take this idea further please email me on: agwallett@googlemail.com.

To help spread the word of Kronenbourg further could I be really cheeky and ask for a free Kronenbourg T-shirt or any other freebie. Anything would be very much appreciated, and if you send me a t-shirt I will proudly walk around and be your free walking billboard. Please send any items to the following address:

Adrian Wallett
********
********
Croydon
Surrey
******


Kindest Regards

Adrian Wallett"

I am sad to report I only received one reply which can be shown below:

"Brasseries KronenbourgDirection des Relations Humaines68 route d Oberhausbergen67037 STRASBOURG Cedex 2Bonjour,Nous avons bien recu votre candidature et nous vous en remercions.Celle-ci a ete transmise au responsable recrutement en charge du poste apourvoir, qui va l etudier avec la meilleure attention.Nous ne manquerons pas de vous contacter si votre profil correspond a larecherche en cours. Si, passe un delai de 4 semaines vous n avez pas denouvelles de notre part, vous pourrez considerer que votre candidature n apas ete retenue.Neanmoins, nous nous permettrons de reprendre contact avec vous, sauf aviscontraire de votre part, si il se presente une opportunite susceptible devous convenir.Nous vous remercions de l interet et de la confiance que vous manifestez al egard des Brasseries KRONENBOURG.La Direction des Relations HumainesBrasseries KRONENBOURG"

The translation (which Bebelfish did a pretty bad job of) can be shown below:

"Hello, We received your candidature and we thank you. This one has ete transmitted to the person in charge recruitment in load for the station has to provide, which goes L etudier with the best attention. We will not fail to contact you if your profile corresponds has research in progress. If, a 4 weeks to deadline you N passes do not have a news of our share, you will be able considerer that your candidature N has ete not retained. Nevertheless, we will allow ourselves to renew contact with you, except contrary opinion of your share, if it presente an opportunity likely to agree to you. We thank you for L interest and of the confidence which you express L egard has Breweries KRONENBOURG. The Management of the Human relations Breweries KRONENBOURG."

I feel I have more chance of striking oil, gold and silver in my back garden (made even more harder considering the fact I don't even own a garden) than getting a job with Kronenbourg. I am annoyed with Kronenbourg as I feel my idea at least deserved a proper reply and not shoved under the carpet like a disgraced rat!

My Crux of the Matter

I haven't really used this feature in my recent blogs, and instead of just writing about a random newspaper article, I actually have something I would like to get off my chest, especially after visiting Rome. Last week (I think last Tuesday) I watched a great documentary on the BBC that followed the lives of 5 individuals who worked in art galleries, famous temples or places full of great culture and art, and they really let these places take over their lives. One lady worked 7 days a week in a Russian art gallery and even though she went home to her flat at night, it was clear her real home was inside the gallery, living with the paintings and sculptures surrounding her. She even stated she had no time for friends or family anymore and the gallery was her family. Another lady tended a small gallery like it was a living being and she even admitted that her job was like looking after a child and was probably even more fulfilling. It was quite scary at how far these people allowed themselves to be taken over by their surroundings and culture. I honestly feel they are addicted to their surroundings and at the time I really thought they were living very unfulfilled lives with no real direction or purpose.

After visiting Rome, I saw some amazing sights, pieces or art and so much history and culture it was almost impossible to really appreciate it all in a few manic days. Visiting Rome made me think about the people I saw in the BBC documentary and although I still feel any addiction is bad and potentially life destroying, being addicted to art and culture is surely not that bad after all. I don't think you should shun friends and family over art, but people still need to take time out from their busy life's and views things from a different angle sometimes and appreciate the little things around them. If you agree or disagree with my view please leave a comment on my blog as I would very interested to learn your view.

Well that's the end of my 12th blog, I know I haven't done every feature, but I don't want to bore you and I feel my Demon Headmaster adventure was more than ample! If anyone else has any other challenges similar to the one set by the Headmaster please feel free to leave a comment or email me. Thanks again for reading. Any comments are welcome and please subscribe if you haven't already.

YOU ROCK DOST

Adriano

Hi Dost's

Welcome to my 11th blog. You just reading this makes me happier than a slug that has just be sprinkled with white powder, but thankfully for the lucky mollusc, his would-be and rather blind murderer accidentally picked up sugar instead of salt! So not only did he survive from potential salty doom he received a sugary sweet snack for his troubles!

I had a cool weekend, on Saturday I drank with some cool mates that I haven't seen properly in ages. We enjoyed some fine ale in some of the top drinking holes in Croydon! It was a truly great day! On Sunday I again ran out for Milburn FC, but my 3 straight wins as a player came crashing down in front of my eyes. Milburn lost the game 1-0 to an annoying goal that happened 5 minutes from time! I was disappointed, but not disheartened as Milburn had previously lost to the same team 13-2 earlier in the season! I then went shopping with Becca and the kids to ADSA, which is quickly turning into my fave super market, yeah Tesco's, if you are hearing this, that includes you! My Sunday league footy defeat was quickly forgotten after I learnt Arsenal had beaten Liverpool 3-0, and Tottenham had lost to Reading, oh bliss! MOTD2 was a real joy to watch that evening and I feel my wide grin could be compared largely to a Cheshire cat high on helium and happy pills!

Can I also take this opportunity to congratulate Dan (Becca's brother) on his recent Graduation and finding a cool new job. I am sure I speak on behalf of all my blogger friends when I say well done!

Anyway please allow me to move onto my regular blog features as I truly have more to cram in than a tram that goes from Wimbledon to New Addington during rush hour (speaking from past experiences, this is made 100 times worse when you are wedged near a greasy mans arm pit, where he somehow decided to wear a sports vest, with his hairy and sweaty arm pit on full show!)

Business Tips for the Big Boys (all for little more than a t-shirt) (BTFTBBAFLMTATS for short)

With no further emails from Nescafe regarding my thriller advertising idea I looked at emailing my next big company, I decided to grab the bull buy its red horns and email Red Bull. Finding initial contact information for Red Bull proved difficult, I looked at their numerous websites and found only a few email contacts, I only obtained a large database of emails after I stumbled across the Red Bull music academy website, where they were literally giving email contacts away! I sent the following email to Red Bull:

"Dear Ariane

I am huge fan of your energy drinks, when I am feeling like a zombie I always grab a Red Bull can to feel revitalised again, but I am not here to only talk about my drinking habits, I am mainly emailing you guys because I have a potential advertising idea you guys might be interested in launching.

I feel you could play on your name 'Red Bull' and launch a made up advert launching a make believe product called 'Blue Haddock'. The advert will use the same animation technique you have used in your current Red Bull adverts, this will confuse consumers into believing there is a rival product hitting the market, and I am sure they will glued to their screens. The advert would start as follows;

A man is stranded on a boat far from sea, he looks hungry, thin and quite frankly doomed, but he remembers he bought an energy drink, but when he is searching for his Red Bull he realises he accidentally purchased a 'Blue Haddock' energy drink instead by mistake (the Blue Haddock drink can could look very similar to a Red Bull can). He shrugs his shoulder and drinks it, but instead of gaining wings, he gains gills.

The following slogan could then hit your screens:

Blue Haddock Gives You Gills!

The man would shrug his shoulders and dive into the sea and quickly gets swallowed by a giant squid. The advert would then show the final slogan:

Don't Be A Haddock, Gain Wings, Not Gills With Red Bull!

This advert would highlight that Red Bull should be your only choice when choosing your energy drinks. I feel its takes a clever swipe at all these silly rival energy drinks, which quite frankly taste like sea water!

Anyway let me know what you think about my adverting idea. If you would like to take this idea further please email me on: agwallett@googlemail.com.

To help spread the word of Red Bull further could I be really cheeky and ask for a free Red Bull T-shirt or any other freebie? Anything would be very much appreciated, and if you send me a t-shirt I will proudly walk around and be your free walking billboard. Please send any items to the following address: --> --> --> -->
Adrian Wallett
*********
*********Croydon
Surrey
*******

If this email finds its way to the wrong department, could you please forward it onto the Red Bull marketing department or anyone else who might be interested.

Kindest Regards
Adrian Wallett
Email: agwallett@googlemail.com"

It took a while to receive any replies other than automated out of office replies as shown below:

"I will be out of the office starting 10/09/2006 and will not return until11/10/2006.While I am out of the office, I will have limited email and voicemailaccess. However, I will get back with you as soon as possible.Thank you!"

I was disappointed because Nyla Wilkins Hassell didn't keep her promise and didn't get back to me as soon as possible, as she has had over 2 days since returning to her office and yet I still haven't received a reply from her! The same can be said of Sergi Noe as shown below:

"I will be out of the office starting Fri 10/27/2006 and will not returnuntil Thu 11/09/2006.I will respond to your message when I return."

Again another Red Bull S******, he hasn't replied upon his return to his office, although I can't too angry at old Sergi, as he does quite possible have the coolest name ever!

These initial automated emails certainly didn't get my heart pumping, I was disappointed and slightly angry at why I had wasted so much energy on emailing an energy drink company, who didn't even have enough energy to email me back regarding my new energy drink advertising idea. I needed to be recharged and finally I received an email that almost sent electric volts down my spine:

"Hi Adrian,Thank you for your e-mail and for your interest in Red Bull.Red Bull advertisements are used world wide therefore we tend to use fairy tales and myths because they are universally known, recognised and understood. We then alter them slightly to convey the Red Bull message. They have been very successful in the past (even winning awards for the brand.)We use cartoons because they help create polarity between our 2 images: the can itself and the character Mr Red Bull. Mr Red Bull is used on all trade advertising (although not on the TV and cinema advertising.)Most people usually ask us why we do not use extreme sports to advertise our brand considering the fact that our brand is firmly rooted in the lifestyle of extreme sports and we sponsor athletes in this area exclusively. Again it is a matter of polarity. We don't want to push ourselves in everyone's face saying "hey these cool athletes use it so you should to.." We prefer the consumer to make up there own minds about Red Bull rather than throwing lots of information at them. If a consumer wants to find out more about a product then with a little bit of investigation they can.Best regardsLeila GhazaiRed Bull Company Ltdhttp://www.redbull.co.ukhttp://www.redbullkeepmeposted.co.uk"

Err…ok then, not exactly the reply I expected! I think Leila must have read into my advertising idea and somehow sensed I urged them to use athletes to sponsor their drinks, where I had never mentioned sports once in my email! Very weird, I reckon every member of staff at Red Bull is forced to drink Red Bull 24/7 maybe from water dispensers that are replaced with the energy drink, and they reply to emails with so much energy and zing and enthusiasm that they don't even read the emails properly, almost liked caffiened up, impatient kids high on sugar and buzzing around the office like blue arsed flies not sure whether they are coming or going! Anyway I did appreciate Red Bulls email especially the following quote:

"We don't want to push ourselves in everyone's face saying "hey these cool athletes use it so you should to..."

I have to say it was fascinating learning how they approach their target market and not appear too pushy! They are trying to keep a cool image without trying too hard, like a mysterious teenager that wears shades even at night, leaning against a stone wall smoking a fag. Well I wanted to extinguish Red Bulls cigarette and get to the bottom line, so I replied back to Leila with the following email:

"Dear Leila

Thank you for replying to my advertising idea, however I don't really feel you really replied to the actual crux of my email; my actual advertising idea. Don't get me wrong, It was great to learn more about the thought process that goes into creating Red Bull adverts, and I am a big fan of your quirky and cool cartoon adverts.

My advertising idea didn't suggest extreme sports could be used as a potential marketing angle, on the contrary I kept your same cartoon formula, as the old saying so aptly puts it; if it ain't broke, don't try and fix it! Anyway please again look at my idea and use at your free will. I wont be causing a stink in the courts with lawyers and fat cats if you do use my idea, all I ask for in return is a simple Red Bull t-shirt.

So could I still be cheeky in asking for a free Red Bull t-shirt? As stated before I am a fan of your drinks and would proudly be your walking billboard, please send any goodies to:

Adrian Wallett
**********
********
Croydon
Surrey
*******

Thanks again for the reply to my email, I am very much looking forward to your follow up reply.

Kindest Regards

Adrian Wallett"

I am still awaiting my follow up reply and will continue this riveting story if and when it is required (basically in my next blog, if I receive any more Red Bull emails).

Number 11 Fact Heaven

To celebrate my 11th blog I will be starting a new blog feature (taking over for a short time, my krazy and random facts), aptly named: Number 11 Fact Heaven, where I will be offering a fact that is related to the glorious blog number, so today the number eleven gets the spotlight!

Because eleven is the first number which cannot be represented by a human using his or her ten fingers, it is often considered a mysterious number!

This fact doesn't offer too much information but is still pretty fascinating! I reckon anything that can't be added up using your fingers is either evil or wrong. How crazy would the world be though if we made the numbers 0-10 the only ones that could be used by law? Would the world adopt harmony and easy thinking or chaos and nuclear war? I feel it could swing either way!

BONUS Celeb Email Challenge FEATURE!

In my last blog I emailed Milburn, an upcoming Sheffield Indie band, who shared the same name as my Sunday League football team, I basically asked them to sponsor my new team. I am afraid to report I haven't received one reply from the band, I imagine they are too busy drinking Red Bull and trying to act mysterious and cool. I am secretly quite pleased, as sponsorship at Sunday League level is taking things a little too far in our already corporate run world of ours! Thank god there aren't any bozos about trying to spread their marketing ideas on the already fat cats of the business world!

To continue my feature of emailing celebrities I decided to contact the spoon bending master mind that is Uri Geller. This email is also quite poignant as the number 11 appears many times, which also fits in well with my 11th blog. I emailed him the following message:

"Dear Uri

Firstly I would like to say I am a huge fan of your work and people like you help everyone open up their minds to new ideas, thoughts and theories which they would normally discard without giving a second thought.

I am mainly emailing you regarding my recent experiences with 11:11. After listening to Want One by Rufus Wainright I instantly fell in love with one particular song simply titled 11:11. The fact I even heard this song is a bit of a mystery as I never remembered uploading the Rufus Wainright album onto my iPod. To be honest I did upload some new music from my brother's iTunes, but I am 100% sure I didn't select Rufus Wainright, who I had never heard of before. It was only when I was on a train journey up to see my family when I looked carefully through my iPod I discovered I had 3 tracks from Rufus Wainright, the 1 st track I didn't really like, but I kept listening until 11:11 played. I instantly fell in love with the simple song. I loved how the song picked up on such a mundane subject as 11:11 on a clock and based a whole song around it. At this time I had no idea 11:11 seemed to hold any significance whatsoever. What is really baffling me though, Is now I seem to see 11:11 all the time. When I have a lie-in during the weekends more often than not I wake up at 11:11 a.m. and when I go to bed and grab my phone 11:11 p.m. seems to appear.

Do you have any ideas why I might be seeing all these 11:11 signs all of a sudden? It all seems to start from listening to that track. Have you heard 11:11 by Rufus Wainright, if you haven't please purchase his album as it really is a good listen.
Any reply would be very much appreciated and good luck with everything.

Kindest Regards

Adrian Wallett"

This 11:11 experience isn't uncommon, apparently other people have noted that they see the time 11:11 more often than not. Uri Geller talks a lot about the magic off 11:11 on his website (please see the following URL for an exact link: http://www.uri-geller.com/articles/11.htm). Uri Geller urges all of us fellow 11:11 freaks to say a prayer as shown below in one of his inspirational quotes:

"When I see the number 1111: I pray for sick children and world peace, the prayer takes a moment but it's very powerful. Please if you can do the same I believe it helps!!!!"

The story I told in my email to Uri is true, and like I said in my email please try and hear 11:11 by Rufus Wainright, even if you fall into the 11:11 trap like me, it is worth it I swear!

I am sad to report so far, that Uri hasn't replied to my email yet. I will keep bending my spoons to he replies!

Random Rocky Quote:

Clubber Lang was the complete opposite of Rocky Balboa in many respects, he was bullish, straight talking and thought only for one person, himself. This classic quote from Rocky 3 really sums up the man of little words:

Interviewer: Do you hate Rocky? Clubber Lang: No, I don't hate Balboa. I pity the fool.

At least he was being honest, although he truly had egg on his face after Rocky pummelled him after their classic rematch. I often wonder what Clubber Lang did after his infamous defeat at the hands of the Italian Stallion. I hoped he followed his heart and created a team of wrongly accused criminals that went out to help people in dire needs of help and caught a sudden fear of flying!

Well that's end of another blog, thanks again for reading. You are a true star. Feel free to leave a comment, subscribe if you haven't already and generally keep happy!

YOU ROCK DOST

Adriano

Hi Dost's

Welcome to my 10th blog! I can't believe I have written 10 of these silly little blogs! But I am honoured because You (yes the person who is reading this exact line!) is taking is the time to listen to my drivel! You truly rock!

My weekend was a pretty mellow, yet kinda cool affair. On Friday night my bro Mike came down to my place to crash (he was down to embark on a crazy Monopoly Pub Crawl the following evening), we had a few beers and watched the Iron Giant – yes the cartoon movie! Hey what are saying? Two grown men drinking beers watching a kid's film! Well you shut it now you misguided individual. The Iron Giant is a great film and a true hidden Gem. It is easily Vin Diesels best work! If you haven't seen it, please, I urge and beg you to buy a copy now! It is well SWEET! Saturday was again pretty chilled, went shopping with Becca and the kids. On Sunday I made my 3rd appearance for Milburn, don't worry folks I haven't joined the Sheffield Indie group, I am talking about Milburn Football Club! I am enjoying playing for my new Sunday League team, they all seem like a great bunch of lads and they play football in the right manner and attacking spirit! Our team went on to win 9-3! I then met up with my Bro again on Sunday where he was a little worse for wear and popped into a rather random visit to see my old and great friend Uz. One thing that ruined my Sunday was the Arsenal result. However it was cool seeing Wenger show so much passion at the final whistle!

Anyway that is enough of my ramblings; as if I do anymore I surely could be entered into the annual 2006 Ramblings Championships, where rambling is the name of the game! Please allow me to move onto my rather random and relatively amusing and quirky regular features!

Business Tips for the Big Boys (all for little more than a t-shirt) (BTFTBBAFLMTATS for short)

After my Heinz success, where I obtained 2 personal replies from big cheese directors and many great Heinz goodies – including a fashion setting, bright orange t-shirt (please see my profile pics to see evidence!), I was in a good frame of mind and confident that I could obtain more t-shirts from large organisations for nothing more than my marketing advice! But things were quickly taking a turn for the worse! In my last blog I also emailed Pot Noodle, however I have received no further emails from these losers! I was angry and disappointed with the salty snack company, as I had offered an amazing advertising idea that was discarded quicker than an old rat that has been shaved, had the slogan 'Adrian's Advertising Ideas Stink!' tattooed all over its body 134 times, had both its ears painted bright green and had its tail chopped off ready to be made into noodles for their new 'New York Flavour' Pot Noodle! I couldn't wallow I defeat, I couldn't let Pot Noodle defeat me, I had to continue in my quest in the search for T-Shirts!

I decided to email Nescafe and Nestle, as I have to admit I am a huge coffee drinker, I have to also admit coffee is one of my few addictions, after beans on toast and watching watercolour challenge. I decided to email Nescafe and Nestle the following message:

"Dear Nescafe / Nestle

I am an avid coffee drinker, I have at least 2 or 3 cups a day, and your brand is always my first choice. I can't wake up properly in the morning unless I have a nice hot cup of coffee. Anyway I am not really here to discuss my coffee drinking habits, I actually have an advertising and marketing idea you might be interested in. Please see below for further details.

As stated above, I can't wake up properly unless I have my morning coffee. If I miss my coffee I often feel and most probably act like a zombie. This got me thinking of a potential television advert you guys at Nescafe could make. You could show a group of zombie men, dressed in suits dancing and signing along to a song, sounding very similar to Michael Jackson's Thriller. The lyrics could be altered to the ones shown below:

"Cause this is Nescafe, Nescafe coffeeAnd taste the hot aroma as the flavour is about to strikeYou know its Nescafe, Nescafe coffeeYou're refreshed and wide awake with a Nescafe, Nescafe coffee"

Then the following slogan could hit the screens:

'Feel like a zombie in the morning? Nescafe is here to strike!'

The zombies are then given their coffee and quickly change into fresh faced and happy looking businessmen again.

I feel this advert idea would be very much in your face, memorable and alert your products to a different target market.

Anyway let me know what you think about my adverting idea. If you would like to take this idea further please email me on: agwallett@googlemail.com.

To help spread the word of Nescafe further could I be really cheeky and ask for a free Nescafe T-shirt or any other freebie? Anything would be very much appreciated, and if you send me a t-shirt I will proudly walk around and be your free walking billboard. Please send any items to the following address:

Adrian Wallett
*********
*********
Croydon
Surrey
******

Kindest Regards

Adrian Wallett"
I emailed every available person / department possible at Nescafe and Nestle, including their recruitment department, individual directors, consumer care, recipe suggestions and much much more! I waited and waited, and then waited some more and I finally received the following reply:
"1795823A 1 November 2006Dear AdrianThank you for your recent enquiry via email. We were very interested to learn of your advertising idea.We always appreciate any interest that is shown in the Company and in our products. However, it is essential for us to have a co-ordinated system for generating and using ideas and in order to achieve this we have to use our own advertising agencies exclusively.We are always pleased to hear what our customers want. At Nestle, we are testing and evaluating new product ideas all the time. However the development of a new product is very complicated.Whilst we value your interest in our Company, we prefer not to accept unsolicited submissions related to our advertising, products, packaging or promotions. Our employees and contractors have many ideas of their own for the improvement and development of products, promotions and advertising programs, some of which may be similar to yours. Because of the complexities involved in developing successful products and promotions, we rely on the expertise of our in-house personnel and contractors in the appropriate fields for new product and promotion development.Thank you once again for taking the trouble to contact us and for the interest you have shown in our Company.Kind regardsVince MercerConsumer ServicesNestle UK LtdFreephone 00800 637 853 85Do you have a thing for coffee? Then Nescafé & KRUPS have a thing for you. Call us free on 0800 707 6066 or check out www.dolce-gusto.com for full details. Because at Nescafé It's All About You."

I didn't really know what to think of this email, if you look at my previous 2 blogs I discovered big organisations are good at throwing back templately replies just to shut us up and keep us rebels quite, and this email smelt like a typical template reply! I was of course happy for any reply, but I decided to spice things up a bit, I replied to Vince with the following email:

"Dear Vince Mercer

Thank you for replying to my advertising idea for Nescafe Coffee. I understand legal issues with using outside influences and ideas, I know fat cat lawyers could get involved, dig their sharp claws in and potentially make your life's hell, but I can assure you that I am not interested in all that palaver. You can use my advertising and marketing campaign free of charge (well almost), I am not a greedy individual I just like helping out businesses where I see fit. All I ask in return for using my advertising idea is a simple Nescafe or Nestle T-Shirt. Any goodies would be so much appreciated and if you do send me any Nescafe / Nestle items I will be your walking billboard and always talk about your brands in the highest possible regards to my friends and family members.

Please send any goodies to:

Adrian Wallett
******
*****
Croydon
Surrey
*****

As you can see I am also from Croydon, just like your UK head office, if you are looking for a new marketing guru to join your ranks, you know who to call!

Thanks again for replying to my initial email, I look forward to a follow up reply.

Kindest Regards

Adrian Wallett"

There, I was polite yet direct, honest and a tad bullish, I was confident me taking away any legal issues would sway the deal in my favour! But alas folks I am still awaiting a reply from either Vince or anyone else from Nescafe or a t-shirt for that matter…. I will of course keep you updated with any new replies I might hopefully receive!

Random Rocky Quote

This classic Rocky quote comes from the 1st Rocky movie. Apollo Creed (the Heavyweight champ of the world) is looking for a new opponent for an upcoming title fight after his latest opponent drops out. He finally decides to make real headlines and offer a true unknown boxer a chance for the title!

[Apollo is looking thru a book of Philadelphia fighters] Jergens: What exactly are you looking for Apollo? Apollo Creed: This is who I'm looking for. The Italian Stallion. Jergens: Rocky Balboa? Never heard of him. Apollo Creed: Look it's the name man. The I-talian Stallion. The media will eat it up. Now who discovered America? An Italian right? What better way to get it on than with one of its descendants? Apollo's Trainer: He's a southpaw. I don't want you messing with southpaws. They do everything backwards Apollo Creed: Southpaw nothing. I'll drop him in three. Apollo Creed meets the Italian Stallion. Now that sounds like a damn monster movie.

Apollo Creed is my favourite Rocky character, and if this boxing match happened in real life I am sure it would work perfectly – the media would lap it up! Apollo has brains to match his muscles, he knows how to work the media, but did he keep his promise and knock Rocky out In 3 rounds? Well if you don't know, you should be ashamed of yourself! I feel this quote teaches us that you should never assume anything and even if you are confident you should still prepare fully in life and not appear too cocky! Apollo learns this lesson very hard; I hope my fellow bloggers don't learn in such a brutal way!

Quirky Krazy Random Fact

The albatross can fly while sleeping.

I am a big fan of these massive seagulls! As I already love seagulls (I have to, after a certain incident that made me become an ambassador for these animals as payment for my bad behaviour in the past) I of course adore the kings of these great species, the majestic Albatross! And just learning this fact has made me love our seaside pals even more! I wish I could sleep while walking, yes I know some people can sleepwalk, but I imagine they don't have too much control on where they are going. Imagine how cool it would be if you are really tired, and you need to walk to the shops, well I would love to do the albatross, and have a sleep on my journey there! I would love to know how many albatrosses have flown straight into an airplanes engine while having a quick catnap. Anyway lets all give these poor sleeping birds a minute of our thoughts! We salute you; yes all of you graceful sleep-flying birds of the sky!

BONUS Celeb Email Challenge FEATURE!

As mentioned above, I have recently joined a new Sunday League footy team, they are called Milburn FC. They have been around since 1990. If you are interested in viewing their website (which shows a weekly team photo (I have been in 3 so far)) then please visit: www.mightymilburn.co.uk. Anyway Milburn is also the name of an upcoming Indie band; they are mates and have been compared with the likes of the Artic Monkeys, a fellow Sheffield band. They have been strongly tipped to really make a big impact on the UK music scene. I have heard a few of their tracks and I have to admit, they aren't half bad! Anyway I decided to email the band through their official website (www.milburnmusic.com) and their MySpace page, I sent the following email:

"Dear Milburn

I would firstly like to say I am a big fan, I am quite a rocker at heart and have just purchased your new album Well, Well, Well and I have to admit I am very impressed.

I am mainly emailing you another matter though, I actually play for a Sunday League football team, the team is called Milburn FC. Please see our website for further details: www.mightymilburn.co.uk. We currently play in the Croydon Sunday Football League. You can see me in the current team photo; I am the guy (Adrian) on the bottom right grinning back to the camera, looking rather gormless!

I am quite new to the team, but the squad seems like a great bunch of lads. I haven't talked to my manager Jimmy yet, but I am sure we as a team would be honoured to be sponsored by you! Milburn FC has been around since 1990 and with what I have seen; we play football in the right attacking spirit and good teamwork ethics. Anyway let me know what you think about the sponsorship idea? I am confident we would be good ambassadors for your band and music and would do all we could to help spread your Rock N Roll message to our opponents, the massive droves of home and away supporters (we wish) and anyone passing by while walking their dog!

Good luck with the new album release and please get back to us with any information on our sponsorship request. If we can..'t agree on a sponsorship deal maybe you would consider playing at our end of season party?

And of course if you are ever in the Croydon area on a wet Sunday morning and you are looking for Premier League style football you are more than welcome to come down and watch us play!
Kindest RegardsAdrian Wallett
Please wait to my next blog to see if Milburn reply to my above offer…

Well thanks again for reading my 10th blog. I feel this blog has no real theme, every subject I have mentioned doesn't really fit together and is all a bit random, but I guess you could argue that is a theme in itself! A poor argument I would have to admit, but still a template to work on! Please feel free to leave a comment and / or subscribe to my blogs!

YOU ROCK DOST

Adriano

Hi Dost's

Welcome to my 9th blog! You are truly a great, cool and super top banana for even reading this, so please continue up the rankings of the coolest and hippest hotdog by continuing to the end of my blog.

I have come back from a cool weekend where I visited my mum, dad, two brothers and my old cat Monty, to help celebrate my bro Mikes birthday. I had a swell time, and got the ball rolling by eating a scrumptious burger and chips! My brother Mike confused me slightly as he smeared his chips with a massive dollop of English mustard! Yes mustard on chips, can anyone beat that for random chip sauce?! Anyway my bro also liked his presents; I presented him with two random and quirky t-shirts – a blue Brian May T-shirt and a weird red T-shirt with cartoons of some freaky looking mole men. I know that is already ample as quality presents go, but I really pulled out all the stops and also bought him a new DVD. I am a bit of Ghibli nut, and I have heard rave reviews of 'Grave of the Fireflies', so I managed to track it down and present it to my bro. Incidentally we watched it on Saturday night, and although it was a great film, that really gets you thinking, it is quite possibly the saddest film I have ever, or will ever see in my life!

Me and my family also went to Alton Towers on Saturday and had a cracker jack of a time! The best rollercoaster was probably Air, as I finally found out what it feels like to be Superman and soar through the sky at tremendous speeds! I also enjoyed the new Ghost ride where you had to blast zombies with your aptly named 'blasters', yep using the word laser guns or pistols was taking the experience just that little too far! But I did feel like I was warped into a Resident Evil game with one main mission, exterminate all zombies in sight! One of my main highlights though at Alton Towers was not actually on the rides, but just afterwards, no I am not talking about being sick, I am talking about the photo booths where you get to see you crazy expressions blown up huge on massive TV screens! It is always my mission to pull the most over excited, crazy, over exaggerated, wacky, OTT expressions as possible and the photo results are always pure gold!

Overall I had a quality weekend, and just again to say Happy Birthday to my bro.

Anyway my features are bulging worse than Rik Waller, after eating a huge chocolate and marshmallow cake, followed up by 67 tankards of melted lard, so please let me begin before we all explode:

Business Tips for the Big Boys (all for little more than a t-shirt) (BTFTBBAFLMTATS for short)

In my last blog I emailed Heinz with my 'Heinzsight' marketing campaign asking only for a T-shirt in return. (Please look at blog 8 to view idea). It seemed like I would only receive two identical emails from Geoff and Yvonne from the Heinz UK consumer group (again please see my last blog to view these stupidly templately emails). I replied to these emails urging them to still forward my initial advertising plan to the Heinz marketing team, but I certainly wasn't holding my breath. Well there you have it, that's the end of my Heinz email adventure, nothing more to do now I guess, it was finished, I wasn't treated with anything other than two identical emails basically swabbing me off, yup I was defeated, I was a broken man, I was…………….READY TO TURN UP THE PRESSURE COOKER A FEW NORCHES! Yes my blogger friends, how could I leave it there? I decided to take things into my own hands and search out a few more Heinz contacts. I managed to find a list of Heinz directors all over the world, from the US to Italy and you wouldn't believe it, each director had their Heinz email on full show, the game was back on! I again sent out my marketing plan to 11 Heinz directors! I received the following reply very shortly:

"Adrian

Many thanks for your email. Great to hear you are such a fan of Heinz Baked Beanz.

Unfortunately, your advertising idea is not one we would pursue but as a gesture of our appreciation I am sure we can send you some bean memorabilia.

You might also want to visit www.heinzbeanz.co.uk

Best wishes

Nigel Dickie
Director
Corporate and Government Affairs
Heinz UK & Ireland
South Building
Hayes Park
Hayes, Middlesex
UB4 8AL"

Wow, a real reply and not some quick fix, impersonal template style email. Result. It's a bummer my marketing idea won't be used, but I can't cry over spilt milk. I quickly replied to Nigel with the following email:

"Dear Nigel

Thank you for taking the time to email me. Any Heinz beanz memorabilia would be very much appreciated. Good luck with all your upcoming marketing campaigns for Heinz. If I get anymore brainwaves for Heinz advertising I will let you know.

Thanks again

Adrian"

I was very happy, I felt like Heinz had done the right thing, they had replied personally and maybe here was still a chance for my Heinz T-Shirt after all! My Heinz adventure then took another twist; I shortly received the following email to really put the wind in my sails:

"Hello Adrian,

You have a very creative mind. You should consider a career in advertising. I've forwarded your message to our U.K. team. You probably have seen that we have brought our "Beanz Meanz Heinz" campaign back by popular demand. But down the road, who knows …..

Cheers,

Mike"

This email came from Michael Yeomans, a US Heinz Director! I couldn't believe it, what a great email! The two replies are so stereotypical I couldn't help but laugh. Nigel (UK Director) was very blunt and to the point, and said there was no chance of my campaign taking off, but still tried to keep me happy with the promise of goodies, whereas Mike (US Director) certainly lives in the land of opportunity and even pointed that my idea could happen, and offered career advice and was generally a bit more happy go lucky. My view of Heinz as an organisation quickly changed again, I now loved these guys! I replied to Nigel with the following email:

"Dear Mike

Thanks so much for the reply and kind words. I actually do work in e-commerce and marketing, although it is my dream one day to get into really creative advertising and maybe one day produce television adverts. Your kind words will spur me on. I really like the current 'Beanz Meanz Heinz' campaign; I hope it is a success. If you want to use my idea feel free to use it. If I have any further brainwaves for any Heinz promotions I will let you know.

Kindest Regards

Adrian Wallett

P.s. If any creative advertising posts come available in the UK, I would be honoured to be considered for an interview. Sorry if I am being a little cheeky in asking!"

Well, who can blame me? My saying is if you don't buy the ticket you can't win the lottery! I then decided to email back Geoff and Yvonne (the UK Heinz consumer team) and give them a piece of my mind; I emailed them the following message:

"Dear Geoff Kearsley and Yvonne Blair

I am emailing you again for one main reason, to say thanks but no thanks, I took a lot of time to write my marketing idea down for Heinz, and you two just emailed me back a simple, run of the mill template response. Why couldn't you make it personal? I know Heinz is a fast moving and ambitious company but I personally feel any customer idea or opinion deserves their own personal response, and when I get sent two identical email messages the word 'template' pops into my head!

I am also emailing to tell you something else, I actually took it upon myself to email the top cheeses at Heinz personally with my idea, and you know what, I received, two separate and very personal emails as shown below:

I received this reply from Nigel Dickie - a UK director at Heinz!:

"Adrian

Many thanks for your email. Great to hear you are such a fan of Heinz Baked Beanz.

Unfortunately, your advertising idea is not one we would pursue but as a gesture of our appreciation I am sure we can send you some bean memorabilia.

You might also want to visit www.heinzbeanz.co.uk
--> -->--> -->

Best wishes

Nigel Dickie
Director
Corporate and Government Affairs
Heinz UK & Ireland
South Building
Hayes Park
Hayes, Middlesex
UB4 8AL"

Ok he is clear that we will probably not use my idea, but at least he has the time to write a personal reply, please copy his good example at customer relations.

And I also received the following reply from Micheal Yeomans - A US Director of Heinz:

"Hello Adrian,

You have a very creative mind. You should consider a career in advertising. I..'ve forwarded your message to our ..nU.K. team. You probably have seen that we have brought our "Beanz Meanz Heinz" campaign back by popular demand. But down the road, who knows...
Cheers
Mike"
A great personal email from a top guy at Heinz, please copy his good example in future.
If you have any manners you would at the very least reply to this email and apologise. I hope that in ..'Heinzsight..' you might have done things differently.
Kindest Regards
Adrian Wallett"
Well surely that would be the end of my Heinz adventure, not quite my dudes, on Wednesday 25th October 2006 a large brown package got sent to me! I eagerly opened it and I found the following items enclosed:
· 1 can of Heinz Baked Beans
· 1 can of Heinz Baked Beans with Lea and Perrins sauce
· 1 large Heinz pen – with a floating meanz beanz can in the middle
· 1 bright orange Heinz cap
· And………… A bright orange Heinz T-SHIRT!!! MISSION COMPLETE!!!!

Happy Days!!! I felt like a king for a few blissful minutes! I was the Heinz king, I had succeeded and completed my primary objective, I had received a groovy t-shirt and many bonus objectives were also complete! To see all of my goodies please view my MySpace pictures, where you see a bean nut proudly wearing his Heinz goodies (this pic will hopefully be uploaded on Friday 27th October eve!)

I am afraid that doesn't conclude my Business Tips for the Big Boys (all for little more than a t-shirt). I also emailed Pot Noodle with another advertising idea of mine. I sent the following email to all possible departments at Pot Noodle and Unilever (the big boys who actually own the Pot Noodle brand):
"Dear Pot Noodle
I am a huge fan of your noodle based snacks, and as an ex-student I imagine I speak for all of us lazy bums, that your large range of pot noodles offered a nice hot meal in a handy sized container.

I have an interesting marketing and advertising idea you might want to consider. Students are obviously your main target audience, so why not play into their hands and setup a competition and prizes they really couldn't resist. You could setup NoodleTube (very similar to YouTube), with participants urged to create crazy and imaginative films about Pot Noodle, upload them onto your site and let the public vote for the winning film. With more and more home movies being created due to cheaper production costs, I honestly feel you would get a lot of interest and crazy videos. The prize for the winning video would go onto being a proper television advert across the country. Other prizes could include winning your weight in Pot Noodles, or win a Pot Noodle every day for a year or even the chance to join Pot Noodles marketing team (similar to the Apprentice). This marketing strategy would be cost effective and would really tap into the student market. Plus I am sure you would see one or two crazy videos along the way!

Anyway let me know what you think about my adverting idea. If you would like to take this idea further please email me on: agwallett@googlemail.com.

To help spread the word of Pot Noodle further could I be really cheeky and ask for a free Pot Noodle T-shirt or any other freebie. Anything would be very much appreciated, and if you send me a t-shirt I will proudly walk around and be your free walking billboard. Please send any items to the following address:

*************
*************
*************
*************

Kindest Regards

Adrian Wallett"
Even though I emailed more people imaginable at Pot Noodle I have only received one reply so far:

"Dear AdrianThanks for your note.Unfortunately I am no longer working on Pot Noodles, but I thought your ideas were good.CheersGreg"

Greg Rowland has worked on numerous marketing campaigns for Pot Noodles in the past, but it looks like I emailed him just that little bit too late! Oh well, I still really appreciated his reply. There is still a chance I might receive one or two replies from my Pot Noodle idea, we will see if any appear in my inbox before my next blog.

Quirky Krazy Random Fact:

The only golf course on the island of Tonga has 15 holes, and there's no penalty if a monkey steals your golf ball.

I am not a golf fan, I don't watch it or play it, but this would soon change if the Island of Tonga Golf Championships took place live on television. Watching monkeys pick up golfers balls and throwing them away would quite possibly be the funniest thing on TV! I am a fan of Super Monkey Ball on the Game cube and there is actually a golfing game on that, but I would love a recreation of the real Monkey Golf game!

Random Rocky Quote:

Mickey tells it straight with this classic quote from the first Rocky movie. Mickey isn't impressed by Rocky's career advisor which is obviously shown in the quote below:

Rocky: I been comin' here for six years, and for six years ya been stickin' it to me, an' I wanna know how come! Mickey: Ya don't wanna know! Rocky: I wanna know how come! Mickey: Ya wanna know? Rocky: I WANNA KNOW HOW! Mickey: OK, I'm gonna tell ya! You had the talent to become a good fighter, but instead of that, you become a legbreaker to some cheap, second rate loanshark! Rocky: It's a living. Mickey: IT'S A WASTE OF LIFE!

Is working for a second rate loanshark a good and respected line of work? I would have to say no, but Rocky is generally a nice guy with a good heart and too his credit he does try to find other work avenues, including working at a meat factory and sitting behind a desk. As the original (and I would say best) rags to riches tale, I reckon you can learn a lot from this movie regarding many subjects including work, desire, ambitions, love, hate and how to punch meat.

Adriano's Websites You Need To Visit:

I would just like to say to my good friends Dylan and Mark one thing – YOU ROCK! I really hope you are a having a great time backpacking and cavorting around Europe and living it larger than a giant that has just been shot by a weird laser beam that makes him grow taller than 7979 Eiffel towers stacked on top of each other and has just eaten a large dinner! They both have two great website / online travelling journal thingy's, which are updated regularly, in case you don't have a link to these sweet site they are listed below, please check em out:

http://www.ballofdirt.com/members/86885.html - Dylano
http://www.ballofdirt.com/journeys/14542.html - Marky Boy

Well that's the end of my 9th blog, I know there is no celeb feature or my crux of the matter this time, I am sorry, but my Heinz adventure has taken everything out of me! Anyway thanks again for reading my blog, feel free to leave a comment! And if you haven't already you could always subscribe to my blog.

YOU ROCK DOST

Adriano

Hi Dost's

Welcome to my 8th blog. You are making me smile, simply because you are reading this, so even if you purposely go out to annoy people all day at least you have made one guy smile today – I salute you! And to celebrate my good mood I will be introducing a new blog feature! Yes folks I know you are on the edge of your seats with this exciting news and I am confident you won't be disappointed!

I have had a few quiet few days since my last blog, still been driving into work every day – no crashes yet I am happy to report. I am off to Evesham this weekend to see my family and wish my brother Mike a proper bo selecta happy birthday! I have purchased him some very cool yet quirky presents! No I can't tell you what they are, as my bro reads these blogs and the surprise would be well and truly ruined!

Anyway I have more to cram into my regular blog features than fitting 7634 sardines into a small can and squeezing that into someone's mouth! Basically I have a lot to discuss so let me begin:

*NEW FEATURE ALERT* Business Tips for the Big Boys (all for little more than a t-shirt) (BTFTBBAFLMTATS for short)

Yes dudes, this is my new blog feature to help keep things fresher than a polo mint that has just been sprayed with air freshener and frozen in ice! I will be offering a new advertising campaign proposal to a big organisation, and all I ask for in return for my marketing expertise is a free t-shirt!

I got the ball rolling by emailing Heinz, I am a huge baked bean fan and the wind just seemed to drift me over to this respected and huge company. I emailed every single department possible at Heinz, including their UK and US websites, their recruitment department, their recipe suggestion link, their Heinz soup website, their complaints department; you name it I emailed every email I could find related to Heinz! Below is the email that has reached every corner of Heinz:

"Dear Heinz

I am a huge fan of your tinned goods, especially your baked bean range. If there was a bean eating championship, I reckon I would certainly be the dark horse to bet on, I can eat beans for Britain! Anyway I am not only here to praise your great food I also have a new marketing and advertising campaign you might consider launching.

I reckon you could launch the 'Heinzsight' advertising campaign. You are basically playing on the phrase 'hindsight'. You could start the TV advert by showing a grumpy man waking up on a wet and cold winter day, he is obviously in a rush and doesn't have time for breakfast, and storms out and has a really bad day, he could step into puddles, a kid could ride over his foot on his bicycle, he could lose his important files when the wind blows them out of hand, he could slip on a banana skin – basically his bad day gets worse and worse. Then the following slogan could hit the screens; "If only he had Heinzsight!" The advert would then replay the man waking up, but instead of rushing out and forgetting his breakfast, he wakes up to a mouth watering plate of beans on toast, he looks back at the screen and smiles. This avert could be extended to show many different scenarios and I feel would attract attention from all age ranges.

Anyway let me know what you think about my advertising idea. If you would like to take this idea further please email me on: agwallett@googlemail.com.

To help spread the word of Heinz further could I be really cheeky and ask for a free Heinz T-shirt or any other freebies. Anything would be very much appreciated, and if you send me a t-shirt I will proudly walk around and be your free walking billboard. Please send any items to the following address:

Adrian Wallett
*************
***********
Croydon
Surrey
*********
United Kingdom

Kindest Regards

Adrian Wallett

Email: agwallett@googlemail.com"

I received the following reply:
"Dear Mr Wallett
Thank you for taking the time to write to Heinz in which you indicated that you have an idea for an advert.
As a company we have a general policy of not accepting creative proposals from the public. This is not because we think we have the monopoly of good ideas but simply recognises potential difficulties in establishing originality and the ownership of creative ideas.
We have teams of specialists working in product research, development and purchasing, who together with our agencies develop and research creative ideas and concepts to take forward to planning, production and media/PR support where appropriate. As you can imagine, these ideas and concepts go through many stages of analysis before any one is put forward for further exploration.
These stages take into account the following criteria:
Consumer interest and trial results of new products / concepts Nutritional viability, eg vitamin and mineral content, sourcing quality ingredients Costs of manufacture Production process and viability to maintain quality and consistency Packaging techniques & requirements, eg canning, freezing, shelf stability Media strategy and creative concepts - dependent on target audience & key message, ie use of TV, press or Internet
Our policy is therefore to rely entirely on our own teams of expertise in all these areas when considering new products for Heinz.
We thank you for taking the time to contact us and hope that you will continue to enjoy Heinz products. Yours sincerely
Yvonne Blair Consumer Care Co-ordinator"
Hmmm, I smell a simple template email, that they send to any old bum who comes to Heinz with a new marketing idea; it all seems a bit too templately for my liking. I particularly like this line "This is not because we think we have the monopoly of good ideas but simply recognises potential difficulties in establishing originality and the ownership of creative ideas." At least Heinz are being honest or at least modest and not saying they know their market inside out so they would obviously have the best ideas. I was also annoyed there was no mention of my free t-shirt offer, I had taken the time to write down my marketing idea and all I ask is for a simple Heinz t-shirt!

About 10 minutes after I received the above email from Yvonne I relieved the following email from Geoff:

"Dear Mr Wallett
Thank you for taking the time to write to Heinz in which you indicated that you have an idea for a Heinz advert.
As a company we have a general policy of not accepting creative proposals from the public. This is not because we think we have the monopoly of good ideas but simply recognises potential difficulties in establishing originality and the ownership of creative ideas.
We have teams of specialists working in product research, development and purchasing, who together with our agencies develop and research creative ideas and concepts to take forward to planning, production and media/PR support where appropriate. As you can imagine, these ideas and concepts go through many stages of analysis before any one is put forward for further exploration.
These stages take into account the following criteria:
Consumer interest and trial results of new products / concepts Nutritional viability, eg vitamin and mineral content, sourcing quality ingredients Costs of manufacture Production process and viability to maintain quality and consistency Packaging techniques & requirements, eg canning, freezing, shelf stability Media strategy and creative concepts - dependent on target audience & key message, ie use of TV, press or Internet
Our policy is therefore to rely entirely on our own teams of expertise in all these areas when considering new products for Heinz.
We thank you for taking the time to contact us and hope that you will continue to enjoy Heinz products. Yours sincerely
Geoff Kearsley Consumer Care Co-ordinator"
Ok then……………my template email suspicion was confirmed! I can't believe how lazy Heinz have bean (sorry couldn't resist!), why couldn't I receive a personalised email? Anyway I sent the following follow up email to both Yvonne and Geoff:
"Dear Geoff Kearsley / Yvonne Blair

Thank you for the taking the time to email me back regarding my marketing idea for Heinz. You clearly stated that 'As a company we have a general policy of not accepting creative proposals from the public' which is fair enough, but a general policy doesn't mean you cant bend the rules, in my opinion a 'general policy' is just going along with the grain. Please re-read my advertising idea and re-consider my proposal. Say if you do go ahead with my advertising campaign I promise I wont sue or anything, all I ask for is a simple Heinz t-shirt in return, nothing more nothing less.

I know you have a big marketing team in place, but all I ask is that maybe you could forward my idea to them, to at the very least have a giggle at. I am not asking for a lot, just that you send my idea to the marketing department; it surely would take you little more than 2 minutes to do that. Plus my advert idea isn't set out to launch a new product, so none of the steps you discussed will be necessary, my idea is just a general campaign for Heinz.

Below is my marketing idea again:

"I reckon you could launch the 'Heinzsight' advertising campaign. You are basically playing on the phrase 'hindsight'. You could start the TV advert by showing a grumpy man waking up on a wet and cold winter day, he is obviously in a rush and doesn't have time for breakfast, and storms out and has a really bad day, he could step into puddles, a kid could ride over his foot on his bicycle, he could lose his important files when the wind blows them out of hand, he could slip on a banana skin – basically his bad day gets worse and worse. Then the following slogan could hit the screens; "If only he had Heinzsight!" The advert would then replay the man waking up, but instead of rushing out and forgetting his breakfast, he wakes up to a mouth watering plate of beans on toast, he looks back at the screen and smiles. This advert could be extended to show many different scenarios and I feel would attract attention from all age ranges." --> -->

If you honestly hate my idea, I would rather you would be honest with me. Anyway thanks again for replying to me.

Kindest Regards

Adrian Wallett"

I still haven't received a reply from either Geoff or Yvonne or from anyone else at Heinz and to be honest I am sickened! I wish I had 'Heinzsight' and never bothered with this ungrateful company In the first place!

Quirky Krazy Random Fact:

Ancient Egyptians used one species of puffer fish as a ball in a primitive game of bowls.

Wooh what a great a game! I can't for life of me think why this isn't the world's most popular sport! Move over Soccer – I am proposing we start up the World Puffer Fish Bowls Championships! I reckon the best way of wining would be to scare your puffer fish right before you intend to bowl him, so he expands really big and can knock away as many opposition bowls as possible! This fact is dedicated to one of my favourite bloggers!
Random Rocky Quote:

This quality Rocky 2 quote was suggested by my good friend Matt. It happens very early on in the movie, right after Rocky leaves the hospital after his narrow defeat by Apollo Creed. Rocky is hounded down by agents and marketing chumps all after one thing – making money off Rocky's new found fame! Below is a quality quote:

"AD MAN: Hey, Hey Mr.Balboa, I can get you doing some great ads and you'll make a killing buy doing it..Rocky: ah, I don't know you know, I'm not sure..Ad Man: hey look, we can have you advertising the Rocky doll..Rocky: Oh, am not sure I'll think about it...Ad Man: look you can bend it, kick it, punch it whatever.... Soo what do ya say?Rocky: I'll call youAD Man: Hey, you gotta strike now while the irons hot, your the man of the moment, fame comes and goes quick in this business...Rocky: I'll let you know, hey I just wanna go home and rest.Ad man: Hey you got a number?
Rocky: No, I'll call you..Ad man: Well do you want my number.. (As Rocky and Adrian walk away)Rocky: No, No... I'll call you, I'll go HEY YO!!! (Rocky shouts loudly at the man)(ad man turns and comments to his secretary)Ad Man: Hey, I think the guy must have brain damage or something! c'mon lets go!"

I reckon I need to adopt the ad mans approach and hound the top dogs at Heinz if I wanted my advertising campaign idea to be properly heard!

BONUS Celeb Email Challenge FEATURE!

In my last blog I emailed both Chris Barry (Arnold J Rimmer) and Norman Lovett (Holly) from the popular and groovy Red Dwarf series regarding my silly idea of a new sci-fi show. But I am sad to report I have received no replies yet from either man. If I do receive a reply I will post it very quickly in my following blog. But please don't be too sad, as I have had some success in my celeb email adventures. Yes folks I emailed Paul Daniels, the legendary magician and all round entertainer last week the following email:

"Dear Paul

I hope you are well. I will be honest with you, I am not a magician or even that interested in magic, but I do appreciate good entertainers that keep the audience's attention and the show moving. You have been there, done that, worn the magic hat and been at the top of your game for many years, I guess I am mainly writing to you to ask for some general advice on how to make an impact in a creative market.

I am an upcoming artist who loves to let his imagination run wild and express his feelings onto canvas. I have only displayed my abstract work at two local galleries, although that was great I guess I am looking to reach the next level. I am also planning to launch my own art website soon to help showcase my artwork to a worldwide audience. Do you have any tips on succeeding in a creative market? How did you get your 1st big break in magic? Any tips or guidance would be appreciated.

P.s. My uncle, Alan ***** told me once that you had dinner with him to discuss a potential advertising idea. He wanted you to promote Miracle Ring Pull Can Openers; I don't suppose you remember that dinner? My uncle said you were very polite and funny. If you are interested my brother Mike and I actually made a website for that item – you can view it here: www.miraclecanopener.com.

Good luck with the future and thank you for taking time to read my email.

Kindest RegardS

Adrian Wallett

Email: agwallett@googlemail.com"

It's true, my uncle really did have dinner with him once, and yes it was really to discuss a potential advertising campaign for the miracle can opener. It never materialised unfortunately, but my uncle said he was a great guy and good laugh. Anyway I didn't receive a reply from Paul, and I almost gave up hope of any reply, but I had one last idea. I would email Debbie McGee and see if she could pass on my email to her husband directly. I emailed Debbie the following email:

"Dear Debbie

I hope you are well. Good luck with the modelling agency, I am sure it will be a success. I am sorry to be rude but last week I emailed your husband, but am still awaiting a reply, could you please forward it onto him as I would love a reply.

BELOW IS THE EMAIL I SENT TO PAUL:

"Dear Paul

I hope you are well. I will be honest with you, I am not a magician or even that interested in magic, but I do appreciate good entertainers that keep the audience's attention and the show moving. You have been there, done that, worn the magic hat and been at the top of your game for many years, I guess I am mainly writing to you to ask for some general advice on how to make an impact in a creative market.

I am an upcoming artist who loves to let his imagination run wild and express his feelings onto canvas. I have only displayed my abstract work at two local galleries, although that was great I guess I am looking to reach the next level. I am also planning to launch my own art website soon to help showcase my artwork to a worldwide audience. Do you have any tips on succeeding in a creative market? How did you get your 1st big break in magic? Any tips or guidance would be appreciated.

P.s. My uncle, Alan ***** told me once that you had dinner with him to discuss a potential advertising idea. He wanted you to promote Miracle Ring Pull Can Openers; I don't suppose you remember that dinner? My uncle said you were very polite and funny. If you are interested my brother Mike and I actually made a website for that item – you can view it here: www.miraclecanopener.com.

Good luck with the future and thank you for taking time to read my email.

kindest Regards

Adrian WalletT

Email: agwallett@googlemail.com"

And after about 10 minutes of emailing Debbie McGee I received the following reply:

"Hi

I will pass on your email to Paul.
He is manic at the moment and is away alot.
I was at the dinner with your Uncle Alan ***** too, please pass on my best wishes.
I am sure Paul will reply but it might take a little while.

Best wishes
Debbie McGee"

Yes, result! Thanks Debbie! She was a real star for replying so soon and you know what I believe her, I reckon Paul will reply to email! I wasn't aware she was also at the meal with my Uncle, so I am happy and delighted she had a great time. I will pass on her best wishes next time I see my uncle!

Well there you have it, another blog complete, I am sorry I didn't add my crux of the matter onto this blog, I reckon I more than made up for it with my Heinz emails! This blog has had quite a strong advertising feel to it! First my Heinz advertising proposal, then the famous Ad Man Rocky quote and finally Paul Daniels almost doing an advert for my uncle to advertise Miracle Can Openers! I guess we have learnt that advertising and marketing is stronger than ever and one day we might well live in a world similar to the world portrayed in the film 'They Live'! There you go – that's kinda my crux of the matter!

Thanks again for reading my blog and if you haven't already please subscribe to my blog.

You Rock Dost

Adriano