Hi Dost's

Welcome to my 8th blog. You are making me smile, simply because you are reading this, so even if you purposely go out to annoy people all day at least you have made one guy smile today – I salute you! And to celebrate my good mood I will be introducing a new blog feature! Yes folks I know you are on the edge of your seats with this exciting news and I am confident you won't be disappointed!

I have had a few quiet few days since my last blog, still been driving into work every day – no crashes yet I am happy to report. I am off to Evesham this weekend to see my family and wish my brother Mike a proper bo selecta happy birthday! I have purchased him some very cool yet quirky presents! No I can't tell you what they are, as my bro reads these blogs and the surprise would be well and truly ruined!

Anyway I have more to cram into my regular blog features than fitting 7634 sardines into a small can and squeezing that into someone's mouth! Basically I have a lot to discuss so let me begin:

*NEW FEATURE ALERT* Business Tips for the Big Boys (all for little more than a t-shirt) (BTFTBBAFLMTATS for short)

Yes dudes, this is my new blog feature to help keep things fresher than a polo mint that has just been sprayed with air freshener and frozen in ice! I will be offering a new advertising campaign proposal to a big organisation, and all I ask for in return for my marketing expertise is a free t-shirt!

I got the ball rolling by emailing Heinz, I am a huge baked bean fan and the wind just seemed to drift me over to this respected and huge company. I emailed every single department possible at Heinz, including their UK and US websites, their recruitment department, their recipe suggestion link, their Heinz soup website, their complaints department; you name it I emailed every email I could find related to Heinz! Below is the email that has reached every corner of Heinz:

"Dear Heinz

I am a huge fan of your tinned goods, especially your baked bean range. If there was a bean eating championship, I reckon I would certainly be the dark horse to bet on, I can eat beans for Britain! Anyway I am not only here to praise your great food I also have a new marketing and advertising campaign you might consider launching.

I reckon you could launch the 'Heinzsight' advertising campaign. You are basically playing on the phrase 'hindsight'. You could start the TV advert by showing a grumpy man waking up on a wet and cold winter day, he is obviously in a rush and doesn't have time for breakfast, and storms out and has a really bad day, he could step into puddles, a kid could ride over his foot on his bicycle, he could lose his important files when the wind blows them out of hand, he could slip on a banana skin – basically his bad day gets worse and worse. Then the following slogan could hit the screens; "If only he had Heinzsight!" The advert would then replay the man waking up, but instead of rushing out and forgetting his breakfast, he wakes up to a mouth watering plate of beans on toast, he looks back at the screen and smiles. This avert could be extended to show many different scenarios and I feel would attract attention from all age ranges.

Anyway let me know what you think about my advertising idea. If you would like to take this idea further please email me on: agwallett@googlemail.com.

To help spread the word of Heinz further could I be really cheeky and ask for a free Heinz T-shirt or any other freebies. Anything would be very much appreciated, and if you send me a t-shirt I will proudly walk around and be your free walking billboard. Please send any items to the following address:

Adrian Wallett
*************
***********
Croydon
Surrey
*********
United Kingdom

Kindest Regards

Adrian Wallett

Email: agwallett@googlemail.com"

I received the following reply:
"Dear Mr Wallett
Thank you for taking the time to write to Heinz in which you indicated that you have an idea for an advert.
As a company we have a general policy of not accepting creative proposals from the public. This is not because we think we have the monopoly of good ideas but simply recognises potential difficulties in establishing originality and the ownership of creative ideas.
We have teams of specialists working in product research, development and purchasing, who together with our agencies develop and research creative ideas and concepts to take forward to planning, production and media/PR support where appropriate. As you can imagine, these ideas and concepts go through many stages of analysis before any one is put forward for further exploration.
These stages take into account the following criteria:
Consumer interest and trial results of new products / concepts Nutritional viability, eg vitamin and mineral content, sourcing quality ingredients Costs of manufacture Production process and viability to maintain quality and consistency Packaging techniques & requirements, eg canning, freezing, shelf stability Media strategy and creative concepts - dependent on target audience & key message, ie use of TV, press or Internet
Our policy is therefore to rely entirely on our own teams of expertise in all these areas when considering new products for Heinz.
We thank you for taking the time to contact us and hope that you will continue to enjoy Heinz products. Yours sincerely
Yvonne Blair Consumer Care Co-ordinator"
Hmmm, I smell a simple template email, that they send to any old bum who comes to Heinz with a new marketing idea; it all seems a bit too templately for my liking. I particularly like this line "This is not because we think we have the monopoly of good ideas but simply recognises potential difficulties in establishing originality and the ownership of creative ideas." At least Heinz are being honest or at least modest and not saying they know their market inside out so they would obviously have the best ideas. I was also annoyed there was no mention of my free t-shirt offer, I had taken the time to write down my marketing idea and all I ask is for a simple Heinz t-shirt!

About 10 minutes after I received the above email from Yvonne I relieved the following email from Geoff:

"Dear Mr Wallett
Thank you for taking the time to write to Heinz in which you indicated that you have an idea for a Heinz advert.
As a company we have a general policy of not accepting creative proposals from the public. This is not because we think we have the monopoly of good ideas but simply recognises potential difficulties in establishing originality and the ownership of creative ideas.
We have teams of specialists working in product research, development and purchasing, who together with our agencies develop and research creative ideas and concepts to take forward to planning, production and media/PR support where appropriate. As you can imagine, these ideas and concepts go through many stages of analysis before any one is put forward for further exploration.
These stages take into account the following criteria:
Consumer interest and trial results of new products / concepts Nutritional viability, eg vitamin and mineral content, sourcing quality ingredients Costs of manufacture Production process and viability to maintain quality and consistency Packaging techniques & requirements, eg canning, freezing, shelf stability Media strategy and creative concepts - dependent on target audience & key message, ie use of TV, press or Internet
Our policy is therefore to rely entirely on our own teams of expertise in all these areas when considering new products for Heinz.
We thank you for taking the time to contact us and hope that you will continue to enjoy Heinz products. Yours sincerely
Geoff Kearsley Consumer Care Co-ordinator"
Ok then……………my template email suspicion was confirmed! I can't believe how lazy Heinz have bean (sorry couldn't resist!), why couldn't I receive a personalised email? Anyway I sent the following follow up email to both Yvonne and Geoff:
"Dear Geoff Kearsley / Yvonne Blair

Thank you for the taking the time to email me back regarding my marketing idea for Heinz. You clearly stated that 'As a company we have a general policy of not accepting creative proposals from the public' which is fair enough, but a general policy doesn't mean you cant bend the rules, in my opinion a 'general policy' is just going along with the grain. Please re-read my advertising idea and re-consider my proposal. Say if you do go ahead with my advertising campaign I promise I wont sue or anything, all I ask for is a simple Heinz t-shirt in return, nothing more nothing less.

I know you have a big marketing team in place, but all I ask is that maybe you could forward my idea to them, to at the very least have a giggle at. I am not asking for a lot, just that you send my idea to the marketing department; it surely would take you little more than 2 minutes to do that. Plus my advert idea isn't set out to launch a new product, so none of the steps you discussed will be necessary, my idea is just a general campaign for Heinz.

Below is my marketing idea again:

"I reckon you could launch the 'Heinzsight' advertising campaign. You are basically playing on the phrase 'hindsight'. You could start the TV advert by showing a grumpy man waking up on a wet and cold winter day, he is obviously in a rush and doesn't have time for breakfast, and storms out and has a really bad day, he could step into puddles, a kid could ride over his foot on his bicycle, he could lose his important files when the wind blows them out of hand, he could slip on a banana skin – basically his bad day gets worse and worse. Then the following slogan could hit the screens; "If only he had Heinzsight!" The advert would then replay the man waking up, but instead of rushing out and forgetting his breakfast, he wakes up to a mouth watering plate of beans on toast, he looks back at the screen and smiles. This advert could be extended to show many different scenarios and I feel would attract attention from all age ranges." --> -->

If you honestly hate my idea, I would rather you would be honest with me. Anyway thanks again for replying to me.

Kindest Regards

Adrian Wallett"

I still haven't received a reply from either Geoff or Yvonne or from anyone else at Heinz and to be honest I am sickened! I wish I had 'Heinzsight' and never bothered with this ungrateful company In the first place!

Quirky Krazy Random Fact:

Ancient Egyptians used one species of puffer fish as a ball in a primitive game of bowls.

Wooh what a great a game! I can't for life of me think why this isn't the world's most popular sport! Move over Soccer – I am proposing we start up the World Puffer Fish Bowls Championships! I reckon the best way of wining would be to scare your puffer fish right before you intend to bowl him, so he expands really big and can knock away as many opposition bowls as possible! This fact is dedicated to one of my favourite bloggers!
Random Rocky Quote:

This quality Rocky 2 quote was suggested by my good friend Matt. It happens very early on in the movie, right after Rocky leaves the hospital after his narrow defeat by Apollo Creed. Rocky is hounded down by agents and marketing chumps all after one thing – making money off Rocky's new found fame! Below is a quality quote:

"AD MAN: Hey, Hey Mr.Balboa, I can get you doing some great ads and you'll make a killing buy doing it..Rocky: ah, I don't know you know, I'm not sure..Ad Man: hey look, we can have you advertising the Rocky doll..Rocky: Oh, am not sure I'll think about it...Ad Man: look you can bend it, kick it, punch it whatever.... Soo what do ya say?Rocky: I'll call youAD Man: Hey, you gotta strike now while the irons hot, your the man of the moment, fame comes and goes quick in this business...Rocky: I'll let you know, hey I just wanna go home and rest.Ad man: Hey you got a number?
Rocky: No, I'll call you..Ad man: Well do you want my number.. (As Rocky and Adrian walk away)Rocky: No, No... I'll call you, I'll go HEY YO!!! (Rocky shouts loudly at the man)(ad man turns and comments to his secretary)Ad Man: Hey, I think the guy must have brain damage or something! c'mon lets go!"

I reckon I need to adopt the ad mans approach and hound the top dogs at Heinz if I wanted my advertising campaign idea to be properly heard!

BONUS Celeb Email Challenge FEATURE!

In my last blog I emailed both Chris Barry (Arnold J Rimmer) and Norman Lovett (Holly) from the popular and groovy Red Dwarf series regarding my silly idea of a new sci-fi show. But I am sad to report I have received no replies yet from either man. If I do receive a reply I will post it very quickly in my following blog. But please don't be too sad, as I have had some success in my celeb email adventures. Yes folks I emailed Paul Daniels, the legendary magician and all round entertainer last week the following email:

"Dear Paul

I hope you are well. I will be honest with you, I am not a magician or even that interested in magic, but I do appreciate good entertainers that keep the audience's attention and the show moving. You have been there, done that, worn the magic hat and been at the top of your game for many years, I guess I am mainly writing to you to ask for some general advice on how to make an impact in a creative market.

I am an upcoming artist who loves to let his imagination run wild and express his feelings onto canvas. I have only displayed my abstract work at two local galleries, although that was great I guess I am looking to reach the next level. I am also planning to launch my own art website soon to help showcase my artwork to a worldwide audience. Do you have any tips on succeeding in a creative market? How did you get your 1st big break in magic? Any tips or guidance would be appreciated.

P.s. My uncle, Alan ***** told me once that you had dinner with him to discuss a potential advertising idea. He wanted you to promote Miracle Ring Pull Can Openers; I don't suppose you remember that dinner? My uncle said you were very polite and funny. If you are interested my brother Mike and I actually made a website for that item – you can view it here: www.miraclecanopener.com.

Good luck with the future and thank you for taking time to read my email.

Kindest RegardS

Adrian Wallett

Email: agwallett@googlemail.com"

It's true, my uncle really did have dinner with him once, and yes it was really to discuss a potential advertising campaign for the miracle can opener. It never materialised unfortunately, but my uncle said he was a great guy and good laugh. Anyway I didn't receive a reply from Paul, and I almost gave up hope of any reply, but I had one last idea. I would email Debbie McGee and see if she could pass on my email to her husband directly. I emailed Debbie the following email:

"Dear Debbie

I hope you are well. Good luck with the modelling agency, I am sure it will be a success. I am sorry to be rude but last week I emailed your husband, but am still awaiting a reply, could you please forward it onto him as I would love a reply.

BELOW IS THE EMAIL I SENT TO PAUL:

"Dear Paul

I hope you are well. I will be honest with you, I am not a magician or even that interested in magic, but I do appreciate good entertainers that keep the audience's attention and the show moving. You have been there, done that, worn the magic hat and been at the top of your game for many years, I guess I am mainly writing to you to ask for some general advice on how to make an impact in a creative market.

I am an upcoming artist who loves to let his imagination run wild and express his feelings onto canvas. I have only displayed my abstract work at two local galleries, although that was great I guess I am looking to reach the next level. I am also planning to launch my own art website soon to help showcase my artwork to a worldwide audience. Do you have any tips on succeeding in a creative market? How did you get your 1st big break in magic? Any tips or guidance would be appreciated.

P.s. My uncle, Alan ***** told me once that you had dinner with him to discuss a potential advertising idea. He wanted you to promote Miracle Ring Pull Can Openers; I don't suppose you remember that dinner? My uncle said you were very polite and funny. If you are interested my brother Mike and I actually made a website for that item – you can view it here: www.miraclecanopener.com.

Good luck with the future and thank you for taking time to read my email.

kindest Regards

Adrian WalletT

Email: agwallett@googlemail.com"

And after about 10 minutes of emailing Debbie McGee I received the following reply:

"Hi

I will pass on your email to Paul.
He is manic at the moment and is away alot.
I was at the dinner with your Uncle Alan ***** too, please pass on my best wishes.
I am sure Paul will reply but it might take a little while.

Best wishes
Debbie McGee"

Yes, result! Thanks Debbie! She was a real star for replying so soon and you know what I believe her, I reckon Paul will reply to email! I wasn't aware she was also at the meal with my Uncle, so I am happy and delighted she had a great time. I will pass on her best wishes next time I see my uncle!

Well there you have it, another blog complete, I am sorry I didn't add my crux of the matter onto this blog, I reckon I more than made up for it with my Heinz emails! This blog has had quite a strong advertising feel to it! First my Heinz advertising proposal, then the famous Ad Man Rocky quote and finally Paul Daniels almost doing an advert for my uncle to advertise Miracle Can Openers! I guess we have learnt that advertising and marketing is stronger than ever and one day we might well live in a world similar to the world portrayed in the film 'They Live'! There you go – that's kinda my crux of the matter!

Thanks again for reading my blog and if you haven't already please subscribe to my blog.

You Rock Dost

Adriano