The first organisation I emailed was called 3i. I choose 3i as they were top of the FTSE 100. Well top alphabetically, which is slightly odd as you cannot real alphabetize (sp?) numbers?!

3i are a large investor group that look to takeover and grow upcoming businesses.

Anyhow, that is who I emailed first to offer my marketing idea. You can see my email below:

"Dear R3i

Let me first take the opportunity to congratulate you and your business to be in the highly acclaimed FTSE 100. That is one mean achievement and should not be understated in todays economic climate. Anyhow lets crack on to business...

My name is Adrian Wallett, a business and economics teachers in Croydon and the proud owner of a marketing degree. I have dropped you an email for one reason; to help.

I want to pass on my marketing and creative wisdom to firms I believe deserve it, and you my friend at 3i are in that lucky bracket.

Below is a marketing strategy I would like to pass onto you which I hope you will at least consider:

As an investment organisation I feel you could adopt a new business slogan;

"3i are so good its like we have an extra i in the back of our heads! We look back with one and look forward with two!"

You can follow up this slogan with the following advertising campaign:

Your TV advertising campaign could first show Sid the cyclops starting a small bakery business. He is clearly discriminated against, as potential customers walk past his shop, take one look at the monsters hideous eye and quickly scurry away. This is where the 3i van turns up and three businessmen jump out and are seen shaking hands with Sid the cyclops. '3 months later' is plastered across the screen and we are taken around the town with a whole franchise of cyclop bakeries opening up and showcasing a prosperous business taking off.

Then the clearly happy Sid the cyclops is showed on screen saying the following line:

"I used to have one eye, now I have three! 3i helped turn around my business which LOOKS great for the future!"

The camera then zooms into Sid's grinning face where he finishes off the advert with the following catchphrase:

3i's are better than one! (Sid then winks to the screen and fin!)

I feel this advertising campaign could also be used alongside a poster / leaflet campaign with Sid your main mascot - he would be memorable and obviously be a play on your 3i name.

I hope this advertising idea will be used by your great company and I am sure will help take your business to the next level.

I do not ask for any fee regarding my advertising idea, you are free to use my idea without any fear of me sending over my lawyers demanding remuneration for my marketing campaign. However I would really appreciate a 3i t-shirt or any other merchandise as a small token of your appreciation. If your business is feeling generous please feel free to post any merchandise to the following address:

Adrian Wallett
************
Purley
Croydon
Surrey
*******

If this email ends up in the wrongs hands, please accept my apologies and please forward it onto the relevant personnel or department (I assume the marketing department).

Good luck with everything and I hope you one day reach the top of the FTSE 100.

Kindest Regards

Adrian Wallett"

I emailed all the people I could find remotely attached to 3i and annoyingly received very little replies. I was grumpy and after a few weeks of eagerly waiting, I decided to sent out the following email:

"Dear 3i  

I spent many hours finalising my marketing campaign for your business and very kindly emailed it to many people at 3i for their consideration and feedback.  

I am not sure if you have heard of the old saying 'the customer is always right' (ok fair enough I am not an actual customer, but I am a stakeholder, as I do have an interest in your business) but I feel let down and hurt.   

It seems clear to me that you do not follow that old saying and instead probably believe in the following; 'the stakeholder is always wrong!, IGNORE at all times'.  

Actually I made a mistake earlier, I was a stakeholder as I DID have an interest, I am now an ex-stakeholder as I have quickly lost all interest and respect for your business.  

I didn't expect a lot from 3i, a quick email maybe, but nope, zilch.   How can 3i redeem themselves? Simple: I expect an apology and hopefully some feedback on my proposed marketing idea.

Grumpy Regards 

Adrian Wallett
(currently an ex-stakeholder)"

My first email was a failure and I was not happy. Did I give up and never email a business ever again? No way - Bring on the next 99 FTSE members and watch this space for exciting developments!

Thanks for reading!